God, it’s 28 past 12. And I am way too sleepy to write anything so please give this poor eyes some sleep. For that to happen I have to close my eyes first correct ?. That won’t help because my mind is in disarray already and thinks more a lot these days.
It all started when my uncle sat next to me and said “you are not a child anymore. You are a person with responsibilities”. I gave him a mature nod and he patted me.That moment I realized I cannot expect him to bring chocolates or diet coke on Sundays anymore. Not a big deal but also he wanted me to bring stuff to home from the next Sunday. It’s not the duties which worries me, it’s the question ” will I be the guy what he wants me to be”.
The whole “being responsible” thing has been hard on me. It’s like I have come too far to change anything. I remember the day when I decided on a thing by tossing a coin. But now Every decision has to be given a lot of thought. Heavy steps and a huge burden. The load seems to be getting multiplied every day. I cannot follow the same routine which I have been following since years.I have carried myself in a way which feels weird to others. Not which they complain about but it’s almost clear from the faces they make. I would rather live freely and act stupid than be a fake lying bastard.
May be I should let go off the fears and nightmares. They are the worst kind. They come everyday and remind me of what might happen. And then there is Murphy’s law to ruin my peace of mind. When will we ever be free of pressure? When will we stop worrying about unchangeable?. I liked it when all I had to care about was if nails are cut on Monday. Fuck changes. They are never good. People say but it’s not.