Sorting Things Out

When I’m not doing anything, I get into a thinking zone where I ask myself few introspective questions. They are

1. What am I doing with my life?
2. Why am I doing whatever that I am        doing?
3. Where am I headed at this point?
4. Is this where I wanted to be?
5. How many do care for me and how many do I care for?

The first four do not bother me. The fifth one, that’s constantly changing. Who will cry when I die!(exaggerating). So, today I crashed on my thinking couch and made a creepy list of people to whom I will help them pass the bridge of Eldridge if they ask me to. I remember making exactly this kinda list 4 years ago. Only few have been retained and others I have got an exciting  transfer to “Shovel a hammer in their asses” list. Well, the less people you chill with, the less bullshit you deal with.

I hope my friendship lasts till our last breath and I will carry their secrets to my grave. I know they have seen all my weird sides and still think I’m normal.

Hollowed.

You have seen them all for they all are the same!

They need you at their worst. There is always a reason and a person. A person who is a monster. A fight is necessary in this drama. Perhaps, a breakdown after everything is poured out.

You calm them down, wipe their tears. Listen closely to their long story that ends badly. What a turn of events!

At this exact moment, you don’t realize that you are the one who should simmer down and let them park their sorry asses somewhere else. But you feel sorry for them. What a bad time he/she is having. You see a connection.

You persist with your kind heart’s instincts. At first you see their pain, then you feel it. Now, you are sharing your wisdom concluding it with everything will be alright.

Time is a great healer. Before you get any far, their fight is over. Oh baby! It wasn’t you! It was my mistake. Let’s get back together.

Now they thank you for your support in all this sad patch, wave you good bye and disappear.

After all you did to them, you expect a call or even a message because you feel that’s not too much to ask for. Your inbox is still empty. A month has passed. All you ever got was daily good morning and good night messages.  Thank the old gods and the new gods, you were there in their broadcast lists!

It’s time that you realize you were just a dumpster. A stop by. A last option. You will not be missed either. Now you want to tear a pillow, break a phone, a time machine to go back, a blog to threap and a place to hide your face.

Infinity Dreams Award

“Put that damn phone down, go to Hema aunty’s house and bring coriander” my mom said this in 19,999 kHz. “I will go during the ad break” I said hoping that Ravi Shastri would stop introducing every other sucker before tossing the frikking coin. She gave that “neen udhara agalla (You will never make progress in life)” look. I pushed the chair hard good enough to produce that rankling sound. Ravens were out to neighbors that something worth a gossip has happened inside.

By the time I returned to the drama, my phone’s notification had reached a threshold. Goal updates, cricket news, toi buzzes, countless messages from WhatsApp groups, you name it. The one that really caught my eye was a WordPress notification. When I checked, it was from one of my favorite blogger archiekoushik. She had nominated me for Infinity dreams award. I am very much grateful to her. She is such a gifted writer and the reason I check “blogs I follow” tag every day.

So here I share, seven things about me that I am supposed to bring to light.

  • Since my final semester began, I am trapped inside my own snare. Half of the day I keep balancing the charge left in my phone and laptop by plugging one of them to the only socket in my room. In the other I can be found in TV hall not watching TV, Playground not playing a game and yes, Poopting
  • I find extreme bliss in applying shaving foam all over my face and laying on my bed for hours. Sometimes, that’s all I really wanna do. Hell yeah!
  • I have no confines when it comes to eating non veg. I don’t care if it’s Monday or Saturday. I’ll grab that leg piece and devour the flesh apart on any given day on the calendar.
  • People say it’s good to eat till you are 80% full. Till this day, I have never followed that. I eat till I’m 200%. I never cheat my digestive system. I have a list of people who have picked Papad off my plate and they are certainly going to hell.
  • I love cricket. I love how I met your mother. There are 256 more things that I love. But the point is, I expect my friends to love the same. I once unfriended my chum because, after watching “A beautiful mind”, he said “worst movie ever”. Watch out, once I befriend you, pretend as if you really love Macklemore & Ryan Lewis.
  • Over the years, I have observed that my life following a chakra. I see an extremely attractive girl and I think that I will never have the courage to talk to her. Enough time passes and I finally get her number, I share all my stupid feelings and in the end she leaves me like every other girl. And it repeats all over again.
  • I have written quotes all over the wall and I name certain stuffs for my convenience.I regret for naming my room door as “TARDIS”. Every time someone enters my room and asks me to explain them, well it’s tough.

That’s about me. Hope you are as confused as a dwarf in a cradle. Here are my nominations for the same,

Shubham Pal

Yashika

Ambika

Lavanya

Mahadeva Darshan

Ishitha

Do visit these blogs and enjoy what they offer. They are crafty and have posted some exquisite stuffs.

Bye for now!

Rules: Thank and link back to the blog who nominated you.

Share seven facts about yourself.

Nominate other bloggers for this award.

To be perfect or not to be.

It’s quite a few times that I have erred about in my previous posts that how imperfect I am in the life I live in. It’s only because I become awfully envious looking at Perfect people. We all do mistakes. It’s in human nature they say. But having done “big things” as if it was a cake walk and still crumbling at “small things” and look ludicrous has been inevitable till now.

Before for loops and while loops, life was simple. I didn’t plan anything. I let life come in whatever way it likes. I worried less and I had no pressure. I made mistakes back then too but they were shrugged off by saying “he’s a kid, he’ll grow up”. When I finally did grow up, I realized that the world is a bizarre.  If I don’t plan, everything will go haphazard. That’s exactly when I started preparing “to-do lists”. Since that point, I believed in “planning”. Even now, I’m a planner. I write down every single thing. From conversation starters with strangers to what I am going to do with my first salary, from the bills I haven’t paid to places I want to visit. It’s working well and good.

Boy-o-boy, little did I know what destiny had, in its own way screwing people’s plans. When I wrote “get a job in seventh semester”, I didn’t know I would clear 3 big ass rounds of HP and finally get eliminated by not answering the question “What are real life examples of polymorphism”. When I wrote “no matter what, don’t get pissed at her”, I didn’t know her mood swings would be so maddening.

The ultimate truth is you cannot be perfect at everything. Things don’t always go as you planned. You can only try not to stumble but when you do, just get up and move on. Yes, I am not perfect. I agree. I have to believe that someday when I sit down, hiding my face and say “I’m a mess”, she’ll come up to me and whisper “Be my mess”.

One Happy Year

Happy birthday to “Solipsistic Soul”. It’s been a year since my blog’s inception and I feel like I finally am doing what I love. I am starting to lose count of how many posts I have published, followers, sentences I formed. When I read some of my previous ones, I laugh at them but that’s how my entire life has been so far. I do funny little things and months after, when I look back, they embarrass me. I am a wreckage from inside and it takes a lot of contemplation to write anything down and not lose the point of view.

It was Shubham Pal (blogs at “Psychedelic Engineer”) who introduced me to WordPress. He is the type of guy who texts me one sentence replies and you’ll need both dictionary and Wikipedia to understand its meaning. Not only to WordPress but also to Coursera, Ask.fm, Epic rap battles of history and many other interesting things. I am glad to have such a friend like him.

I started writing when I was at 4th standard. We had won a cricket match and I wrote about it in a diary. That’s my first memory. Then I started reading novels and they really inspired me. During big lectures that lasted two hours, I hardly could concentrate for 15 minutes so I kept writing anything that came to my mind. The more I wrote, it became a hobby. Now I can barely give a damn on any mediocre around me. Mediocre doesn’t impress me. Therefore when people dance to funky beats, getting high and making a mess, I sit in the corner, ignore them all and write something in Keep.

This blog has given me some lovely readers who constantly give reviews and help me in improvising. Some of my friends call me “the blogger”. Though the number of people who actually care about me is almost becoming to 1, each day has taught me a lot to ponder about. In my upcoming posts, I will share some of it.

Thanks for reading. Have a Good day!
  

Trying to be cool

By dancing to my own tunes,
By breaking out all the shackles,
By laughing at muses that don’t make sense,
By singing a song that has no rhymes,
By mocking genuine “Me”,
By masking a scar like I was never hurt,
By putting on a fake show of face,
By making choices to impress others,
By going berserk over thing that don’t matter,
I’m Trying to be cool.

I hope I don’t lose myself in the process,
A pulse of heart is all I possess,
I’ll be a swash and I’ll be a swagger,
Coz it’s never too old to be like Mick Jagger.

The one about My First Editorial

The annual technical magazine of my college will be released on 10th of April and the editorial board for this magazine was led by me. The editorial musings that i post here will be my first ever experience and i am already getting a little nervous due to this.

Here’s what i wrote.

Andy Dufresne: There are places in this world that aren’t made out of stone. That there’s something inside… that they can’t get to, that they can’t touch. That’s yours.

Red: What’re you talking about?

Andy Dufresne: Hope.

This striking scene from the all-time time classic “The Shawshank Redemption” was the first thing that came into my mind when I was asked to lead the editorial team for AURIFERA. Two years ago, I stood dejected as my own article was rejected. But hope kept me motivated. I hoped, as long as I have faith in my cause and an unconquerable will to win, anything can be achieved. Yes, Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.

AURIFERA started as an idea. It all began with setting up a team with passionate aficionados, believers, thinkers and doers. We divided the work and started doing the tasks that were assigned to us. There was a drought for entries in the beginning but WhatsApp, Facebook and PESCE Fourthambit helped out in reaching out to every individual. There was no looking back since then.

After a month of bewildering travail and sleepless nights, I became a big fan of the saying “Everything comes at a cost”. For what it’s taken to start from scratch and finally put in order, it’s the sigh of contentment is what I see in the end. Working with the team, I’ve honed my skills and without everyone’s effort, this wouldn’t have been a possibility. Everyone has contributed at certain phases and kept AURIFERA alive and breathing.

I want to thank every person who was part of the team. Shubham pal, a skilled boxer and an expert in Baritsu who took the trouble of editing every article, Pratyush, the deuterogamist who was ready whenever I said “Let’s Cook”, Subhodip , Kalyani and Vidya, the three musketeers who were available all the time to help me with every single thing. I am grateful to Manjunath, Sharath, Geethika, and Raju for bringing articles when I almost fell asleep on my laptop thinking that the count wouldn’t even reach 5.

Let us now observe a moment of silence for the things I missed over past 45 days. They are match day live shows of John Dykes, WordPress notifications, Platonic relationships, fretful twitteratis’, power walks inside college, Airplanes Part II and witty sarcasms of imperious, uber-nerd genius – Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

Last month, I was exploring the depths of eternal knowledge in my android phone and my little brother interrupted me, by asking if dolphins had knees. While I was still processing what he had just asked, he gave an expression of ever-so-light amusement and yelled “Google It”. That’s exactly where technology has brought us. Thinking for a solution is not the answer but googling the problem is. As the time passed, we have moved on from interactive web browsers to intelligent web browsers, from classroom lectures to webinars, from taking notes on paper to taking notes on Evernote, from physical shopping to online shopping, from Holo UI to material design.

It gives me a great pleasure to present before you, this year’s issue of AURIFERA. So all right, let’s enjoy this party. Let’s appreciate what’s been achieved and what is possible today. But don’t drink too much and head out deep water for a swim. You might find yourself in over your head. Wade in, enjoy the water, and keep your wits about you. You will need them.”

5 Things I Miss About My Childhood

As we grow older, the things that define us change. So drastic that you wish you could go back and live that past for a while. It’s good to remember those things for a while. They bring a tiny smile and seconds later, you will be fighting with your imagination on whether to stay there for some more time or wake up and simply move on. You have not much options left because every second is taking you further away from there. On a scorching hot Tuesday, with my big glasses on the tip of my nose, I sat down to write about 5 things I am badly missing from my childhood.  

1. Simple Life.

I don’t consider my present life as simple. It’s confusing. I am always under pressure. There is always something or the other that keeps my mind unnecessarily busy. I’ll either be worrying about deadlines or constantly make myself busy making plans.

Back then, everything was simple. All the worry in the world was scary English teacher who used to check my copywriting. Placing the letters F and Q in those four lines of copywriting was the hardest job. Making friends was easier. I didn’t care about what others thought about me. Feelings I had were limited to being hungry or being pissed at the guy who got more marks than me. I collected cricketer’s photos from newspapers and played tetris whenever the rich neighbor son’s let me use his video game for a while. I had all the time in the world to draw two hills, a sun between them, a river, and a house by the bank, a tree and lots of birds. I never got bored of doing this.   

2. Radio
The only source of entertainment was radio. Every day I used to keep the batteries under the sun hoping that they never run out of charge. In the evening, after finishing my home works, I sat down so close to this radio. At 6:30pm, the stories would start. I imagined and created all the characters according to the narration. It was all left for my mind to explore new possibilities, new landscapes. I had patience to sit and listen to a complete 3 hour movie on Sundays.  

What I see today restricts my thinking. I don’t deny the fact that the current TV shows/movies have quality, but they limit our thought process. I don’t mean to offend but I was PATIENT while watching Dallas Buyers club and Breaking bad (if you know what I mean).

3. The People.

There was a magical woman who healed all my pain just by her unmatchable massage. With her miraculous pair of hands, with her elegant stint of quietness while doing the cure, I trusted her at all ill time. She is gone now.

There was an old woman with wrinkles giving sharpness to her unexplainable smile who used to hold me to “shush” at frightening hours. When it rained heavily and thunders brought shivers, she closed my ears and patted till it was gone. She is no more.

Free ride was something I enjoyed the most. An old man carried me on his shoulders to show the whole village at a whole new level and tickled me till there were tears in my eyes. Sadly, he is dead too.

4. Games
Believe me when I say this. I had real friends. We had real life. We played in real dusty ground for hours in the sun. We sweated out. We fought hard for our team to win. We came back to home where our moms waited to check our legs and hands for injuries. We still have scars from childhood. One big shout was enough of a call to gather everyone in one single place. The only fake thing was the food which we prepared out of sand in those little bottle caps keeping them between two rocks, which we served on leaves and acted so cutely as if we were actually eating something.

Now, only food is real. I have virtual friends who donate lives, troops or keys. We don’t sweat. We don’t cheer. We walk like zombies with phones in our hand.

5. Pre-Internet World.
I lived offline. People were adorable and social. My mind had space for only special things (not what jay-z named his new daughter. What’s her name again?). I was cute because I stopped at every house on my way to school and talked good things with them and not because I posted a selfie. Let’s face reality, by now, you might have forgotten some of your friends who exist outside Facebook or WhatsApp.

Going to new places was to enjoy the scenery and not for “checking-in”. There was no 140 characters limit to express my happiness. Talking to people and reading books was a learning experience and not the surfing. I utilized time, now I kill it by scrolling down to infinity. My amusement was not defined by how much data was left. Everything has changed now.