Bleak

Drowning in an endless sea,

He wishes to swim,

If only he knew how to swim!

What’s not bleak to him?

Maybe a swift Whim,

To reminisce

‘bout all that is extant,

Because the End is not distant.

Silence.

I’ve been conversing with silence.

I receive its words through the air,

causing tremors in my contrite soul,

telling “I too can Talk, Only if you can closely listen”

The sound of Silence is,

as peaceful as a lake,

It has something new to say,

It doesn’t hold back it’s tongue,

It isn’t afraid of if I would get hurt.

It can be your best friend

when no one’s around,

It can be a Savior

when the chaos surrounds,

Looking at it’s enormity,

my thoughts stay still,

mesmerized by how can something so intangible,

can touch my heart.

 

The One about How Stupid I am.

If my understanding of the world is correct, then, it must be true that the only way to look cool today is by doing less stupid things. This world is full of stupid people. You cannot be intelligent and smart. You can only be less stupid than the others. Just like in maths exam, you might have gotten the final answer wrong but there will be another guy, who would have taken wrong values of X and Y. Not any of this is reflected in this post but while you’re reading this, at some point, you can relate how stupid I was and how less stupid I could have been. Next time you see me, you can come to me and say, “I’ve been more stupid than you” or say, “Compared to me, you are just a baboon with a B.E Degree”.

Let’s cut to the chase.

My friends had planned for a weekend getaway. Since, I don’t go out too much, I agreed to join them so that I can get some fresh air outside the workplace. To be super honest, my workplace stinks of armpits, socks and compilation errors. As the weekend neared, I grew more excited. The day had arrived. Friday. I was just 12 hours away from meeting 3 new people from work, in a place miles away. I was just 24 hours away from getting texts from one of those three people saying “You’re not like how you look”. I was just 24 hours and 1 minute away from looking at my phone screen and laughing, “why do people keep confounding me for a different person”.

But, shit happened. There were drummers outside the office who had just finished a masterclass performance and were ready for an encore. I am a shy person so I had avoided the dance on the previous occasion. But on Friday, I was plain stupid. I was mesmerized by their performance so some idiot part of my brain pushed me to a pool of sweating men, dancing to their own beats. I kept my glasses inside my pocket and went like this.

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Few minutes later, A guy nudged me and handed me something saying “are these yours?”. Yes, they were mine. My broken glasses. That was a sign that, in 24 hours and 1 minute, I’ll be staring at a blurred screen. I still kept dancing and when the beat stopped I noticed that I had hurt myself. The hard nail of my left leg’s thumb had come off. Almost come off and had started to bleed a little. All my predictions about the next 24 hours were flushed down the toilet.

My stupid saga didn’t end there. The sad part of it.

Today, it repeated. Only worse.

A very close friend of mine had moved to Bangalore, a month back. I hadn’t met her because I WAS BUSY? 

I went to the place she had shared the location of. Google maps, I love you. I was happy to see her. She still carried that charm she had it in college. She had only grown prettier ever since. (Spoiler: She has a boyfriend and it is not me). She is Khaleesi and I am Ser Jorah Mormont. I don’t why I keep referencing Game of Thrones, but you’ll know how good this comparison is if you have watched the show. 

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We talked near her bike until our legs started to hurt. We then moved to a quiet place and sat on a bench. We talked there until mosquitoes sucked 2 liters of our blood. We then moved a Cafe Coffee day and A lot DID happen over a coffee.

It was my second time in my life that I had gone to a CCD. Both times, I was getting paid. Or else which stupid on earth would pay such amount of money for a cup of coffee. Last time, I had gone with my best bros. Rahul and Shubham. They had ordered and I drank all of it without even knowing the name of the thing I was drinking.

Life has come full circle. Today, as the waitress handed me the menu, I didn’t know what to order. Every item on the menu was something similar which I might have heard in a sitcom or read in a book. But, I didn’t know what was what and what tasted how.

Think Einstein, think.

I thought of flipping the pages in serious look to make an impression that the items in the current page weren’t interesting but unfortunately, it was one long sheet. I checked twice if the pages had got stuck. Nope. It was just one piece of paper with words I had no idea of.

Just yesterday, I was searching “what is the drag coefficient of tassels in flying carpets?”. Just Yesterday, I was reading about the mandelbrot set  of complex numbers. And today, I didn’t know, as simple thing as the difference between a cappuccino and a latte. Or even, what they were. If you are thinking of kow towing me for mentioning two things you haven’t heard in your lifetime, step back. I am the knowledgeable stupid who doesn’t know what a cappuccino is. 

I looked at her casually and told her to order something. It was a desperate attempt to come out of this uncomfortable situation, but she told “you please order na”. I took my phone and texted every BRO I knew on this earth. I even pinged a girl, who is my bro ( No, Barnabus Stinson, I haven’t let her read the Bro code.)

Nobody replied. I ordered the second thing on the menu just by reading it out as if I consume it every day.

“Two regular cappuccino please”. Here is how I said cappuccino – KAPPUCHCHEENOO.

“What flavor Sir?”.

That was it. I didn’t know a shit about anything.

“What flavors are there?”.

She muttered some few names I had never heard and stopped at Chocolate.

“Chocolate Flavor, Please”.

I wanted her to just vanish and bring the fucking thing. But no, She still asked another question.

“You need any sandwiches. We have a combo offer”.

Meri maa, just bring two chocolate flavored hot cappuccinos for Jesus Christ’s sake.

She brought two cappuccinos and placed them on our table. The tray had, two cappuccinos, some sugar,  tissue papers and spoons. Another conundrum. Should I drink it from the cup or from the spoon? 

I came up with too many hypotheses on why a spoon was provided and whether I should drink it from the cup or not. I applied Occam’s Razor too. This time, it was bro Gautham to rescue me from any further embarrassments. While I was waiting for her to start so that I can follow her lead, he had texted me to go with the hypothesis that says “Spoon for mixing the sugar, Cup for drinking the Cappuccino”.

All this time, I hadn’t given my attention was to a single thing she was saying. I was just nodding to every sentence she ended. She didn’t know how many things I had in my mind during all this. She will know after reading this. We finished our cappuccinos and it ended well overall. I waved her goodbye and as I walked towards the bus stop, I said to myself “You have so many things to learn apart from physics and computers, because, Life is hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid “.

To Stupidity and Beyond.

The Bunker Bed Conundrum.

If only I could foresee the shocks life brings in front me, I can bother less about all the strangeness that surrounds me. It is not like I haven’t said this in my other blog posts. It is just that it keeps repeating as if there was a recurring pattern of dreadful climaxes. Every month that has passed by has left me with one strange incident that makes me look at the month in a different way.

Like

August – “The month I pushed the toilet door on a guy since he hadn’t closed the door with the sign ENGAGED”

September – “The month I sat on a ladies seat and almost got fined 200Rs”

October- ” The month I saw a guy doing online Lingerie shopping”

November- “The month I started sleeping on Bunker beds”

Yes, People Yes. Just yesterday, I moved to a new PG where there are only bunker beds. Even though, the bed has a safety iron rail that stops me from falling down, I am just too over conscious sometimes. What if I roll over and my obituary reads “death by falling off a bed”. I entered the room hoping that I will get the bottom cot since I hate climbing a smaller mount Everest every 10 minutes. My hopes vanished as I clearly saw the bottom cots occupied by a college student who was busy preparing for internals.

I introduced myself to my new roommates. It was indeed a great conversation. I said, “I feel like quitting my job and doing higher studies”. They both gave a similar stare and replied, “We feel like quitting our college as soon as possible and start working”. What an interesting contrasts in interests. One guy, dared to ask me “How did you end up here?”.

Where do I begin? Should I start with how I chose CS when there were 10 other branches I didn’t notice? Or how I had a wrong thinking that I knew enough to make decisions on my own? Or to the day I wrote CET with no idea of what is the atomic number of nitrogen? Or to the day I chose to study PCMB?

I broke down all of it to a simple sentence as ” I did BE and here I am looking like a clown”. They nodded and asked, “So you are an engineer right?”.

“I am actually an SQA. See there are developers, testers, designers and…..” I stopped looking at their blank faces.

“Is it like starks, Lannisters from Game of thrones?”

I high fived the guy telling him that I am a big fan of the game of thrones too.

“Look, in that case, I am a seven-faced god” I chuckled.

“Bro, I am still in 3rd season”. I mollified him saying that it wasn’t a spoiler.

I was confused. After placing everything in the cupboard, I stood in front of the cot thinking, how am I gonna climb this thing, how am I gonna cover it with a bedsheet. Somehow I went up and arranged my things. It was time for dinner. I sat up straight thinking again – how am I gonna get down?

Later, I avoided going up to my bed and spent the most time sitting on a chair reading novel and chatting. When I felt my conversations had no point and I had lost concentration in reading the book, I turned back to see if they were still reading. They still were. The other guy asked another blunder of a question.

“Anna, can I play Telugu Songs on the loudspeaker, because if I use headphones, my head will start to throb”. Actually, My head had already had started.

“Yes, you can. No problem”. I lied to them so that I don’t look like a dick on the first day itself.

An hour passed and it was getting quiet as each second passed. I am getting used to this quietness these days. There is only one person who speaks with me – my inner voice. Dude, what are you doing with your life? I tried to shut him up, but it was a vain attempt. I got up, climbed the Everest and the drama happened.

When I was climbing up, the guy sleeping in the below bed woke up and looked at me in his sleepy eyes. Then, he was asleep the next moment. I kept my phone aside setting an alarm and covered myself. I rolled to the left side of the cot that is away from the safety iron rails. It was lightning outside and it was like someone was aiming flashing lights at me through the window. So I rolled over to the other side and the whole bed moved like the earth shook. The guy below woke up very much pissed and he might have rolled as well. And readers, as you may recall from physics,

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The equilibrium was disturbed and the system was in an utter chaos. I rolled towards the window because the side that I was sleeping now wasn’t my regular side and change is never good. The guy rolled again but this time with an irritating sound “Tchhh”. How can I not get disturbed by the fact that I am disturbing a guy? This continued for few more minutes and he woke up and asked, “Could you stop doing that, please?”. Let’s not overthink what he asked but the way he asked was “Stop having hypothetical sex”.

My alarms couldn’t wake me up the next day and the guy below poked me and said, “Dude, It’s 8, we are leaving for college”. I was relegated from being called BRO to DUDE. I had lost it. As I sit now facing at the clock to go near 7:30, I am thinking, What in the fresh hell is going to happen today.