The Wait!

 

A void engulfed the Chambers,

All four of them

Hurting and healing at the same time

The head bent low, down,

Staring at the random thing

Thinking, why am I not thinking about anything?

It longed for confusions!

 

I was facing consequences

Of not knowing

What the size of space and

Longevity of Time is.

Space and the gap it crates

Time and the bridges it collapses

A lot to contemplate

A lot to swallow

 

Unswerving I stayed

For I knew,

I could prove Space and Time wrong

I could vanquish

If I showed them

That we have grown to be the same

Through incalculable span in time

That we have fought to be together

Though we are miles apart in Space

 

I had reached,

Well before

Waiting for the light to fall

On a heavenly existence that is she,

And radiate

Glaring rays that could burnish

The ever so dull volume bounding me

 

The song had stopped

It was just a mute earphone

The book had been closed

Only a crafted cover on a cuboid

The table was empty

Just a cold glass balanced on 4 invisible legs

And quiet me,

With earphones, holding a book

And tapping legs nervously under the table.

 

It seemed that

The wait was long,

As long as the time itself

That It kept stretching

To check my patience

The wait tarried

My nemesis,

Since I last saw her.

 

But when she came

Through the portal

Every event that led

To this point in space-time

Made sense

Was meaningful

And was worth the wait!

Pouring it Out.

I strongly believe that I have not been too Candid in my blogs. I say things and then just put some imaginative stuffs to make them sound fancy. So here I am, in this simple and plain post telling you about my life.

I started college with a shite understanding of what college meant. I hardly knew the spelling. Collage or College? eh. when I joined,  I was told that if I took care of writing exams and scoring good, everything will eventually fall into pieces. I believed in the same idea and confined myself around the feeling less species called books. I never studied from xerox and I just loved purchasing books and reading every line like a nerd.

I enjoyed it because I was doing what I believed that would make a successful person. Ultimately everyone wants a successful ending and a perfect life. I somehow felt that I was doing just the right thing.

Then I met this guy who was incredibly intelligent in all the technology aspects. It just surprised me how different we were, being of the same age. I eventually became jealous of his immense knowledge and realized all the bookish concepts are bullshit if I didn’t know where exactly they were used.

We became friends. Then we became best buddies. We bought the same phone. When I held the phone and talked to him about it’s specifications, our discussion involved so many words that you don’t find in textbooks. He would learn something new and used to tell it instantly. These little things amazed me.

I wanted to learn more. When my friends were getting drunk and getting laid, I was surfing theverge.com and was having knowledge-gasm.

In the beginning, I used to stay away from hangouts and night outs. Later, I was left out. This didn’t sadden me, instead I dug too deep to find more.

A year later, I became desperate for a job. Getting a job meant success then. I got one and someone finally had found me useful. I had done it. So I left college thinking that all my struggles are over.

So 4 years of uphill struggle and from now on, it’ll all be smooth I thought. I’ve had enough of mugging, copying, writing exams and stalking my crush like a creep.

When I started working, here’s how my life went.

1st Week : Hell yea, I’m a professional. Look at all the smart people here.

2nd Week: Wait, This is something new. Something fun.

3rd Week: This isn’t what I studied or read. But I’m learning something cool.

4th week : Fuck knowledge, Fuck being desperate for money. I got my first salary, so Middle finger to growth and doing what you love.

5th Week : Oh no, This isn’t what I ordered.

6th Week : Is there a reverse button to my life somewhere. I just wanna go few months back.

2nd Month : What Am I doing?

3rd month : Why Am I still doing?

I broke down. It was all just too hard to accept. May be I had set bars too high for myself. I had over thought and dreamed of fantasies. Life was taking it’s toll. I just couldn’t breathe.

I was walking down the lane and just collapsed. I just sat and watched people go by, the vehicles and the city life. Rahul called me and asked why I wasn’t in the PG yet. I told him i’m on my way and continued staying in a state of reverie. I was stressed the whole time. I tried to be ubiquitous studying for other exams, joining a course and acting in a short film. I threw my hands at everything.

All this attempts lead me nowhere. While I was trying too much, thinking too much and planning too much, Life happened. I gave up everything because I couldn’t change it. I had lost it. I didn’t know what I was doing.

Some more days passed. I started writing a Journal. I read blogs and lots and lots of books. I even wrote more on my blog. I made friends. I went out and had good food. All these little things finally made me to settle mentally and not worry too much at this time.

I slowed down. I got adjusted to the pace of the universe.

I am still doing the same job but I don’t know if everything i did for last 4 years  4 moths make sense or not, but I am content. I am in love with present tense 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Of Droplets and Thoughts

They stood still like they were cautious that everything might collapse. They were holding onto something which only a poet or an artist can understand. No one around them made a sound. They would fall any minute. I knew, but I simply watched them play their part. I had woken up and it had rained heavily. Looked like everything was repainted for something new.

Through the window, I looked at the streets. The window had been washed and was clean as a crystal with some water drops caught in a web. Oh the drops of water. Did the rain gods scattered you on what they thought was a Cartesian plane? Because I think you have been eclectically sprinkled on this glass sheet so as to capture your fall.

As I breathed through my mouth, the window glass became a unfathomable mystery. A moment later, the glass was Lucid again. The breathing duties were shifted back to my nose. It was very calm. The bus danced through Indian roads but their ability to stand still was uncanny.

I started to count. 23 water droplets stuck on a 2D plane. Not aware of any chaos around. After I got in the bus, I was very angry at myself for not bringing an earphone. There was no network signal to even chat or call. May be it had to be like that. Me going on a journey from office to a better place. And most importantly, spending time with myself.

Watching these droplets was the only thing I did. Many villages passed behind the glass but my gaze was constant. Can I connect myself to them? Do they know they’re being watched? 

A sudden break was applied and the drops moved down few centimeters. They followed a similar pattern as if they all had decided, they would all go down together. It was peaceful. Minutes later, I was feeling less anxious. I was wondering whether my thoughts could be like them. Undisturbed.

I started to speak to them. I felt weird and stupid. But I knew they were listening. My thoughts were parallel with the droplets but on a different plane. They were still too. I wished they stayed the same. I smiled and saw my face distorted in each of the droplets. I had studied in Physics why they tend to have a spherical shape but laughed again because frankly, I didn’t understand a thing about surface tension. The surface tension in my mind was momentarily gone and I was just happy about that.

Then came a Juggernaut of a water drop out of nowhere and rolled right through the middle of this abstract canvas and what remained was just the debris. The new picture made no sense to me as the previous beauty did. I opened the window and my village was near. My thought which were still now went back to being squandered and a recondite analogy was just evidenced stronger.   

 

Drafts

The Letter  I didn’t Send

The Poem I didn’t End

The Story I stopped writing in the middle

A crisp thought that later became a riddle

The mundane task I keep doing

which conflicts my interest and the reason why I am Limping

My scratchy career and my never ending to-do List

The Gifts I wrapped for her Birthday

The Outsized Kurta I brought for my brother’s Wedding day

A dream to make my mom prouder

Saved pages and bookmarks in my browser

Thousands lines I deleted because they didn’t rhyme

and the people I befriended in the meantime

The words I held back in arguments and fights

The Batman painting I trashed because the symmetry wasn’t right

And all the things I couldn’t do last night

Are the DRAFTS and remain incomplete

Only to be touched and left undone

Off Course I am!

Off Course I am!

Wandering in a hopeless Parade,

With my hands inside the pocket,

and some dirt on my cloth.

The time blows whistles

Constantly reminding me that

It’s too late to correct anything.

Cold wind blows

Drying tears that were

as off course as I am

on the craters in my face.

Unspoken Things

So that’s what we are now?

Two Old Friends

Who text two times a day,

For wishing each other

Good mornings and Good nights!

 

Tell me,

That there’s something more,

Apart from these pale blue ticks

That what’s between us is real,

That what we had years ago,

Has thrived to be the same,

And will remain the same.

If it isn’t worth showing,

Then it isn’t worth caring.

 

Make me believe that,

Behind those Dark clouds

Is a bright sun.

Behind that dense smoke

Is a cold breeze.

Behind that Red mystic veil,

Is a face I had once seen.

 

Stop running down the riptide,

Turn back and show me the real Side,

The one which you don’t hide,

Because There is a reason

I had shied away from telling you

Why I Once Cried.