My friend has just lost his job. He had not found the road at all. When he finally did, his boss fired him for coming 5 minutes late to office. He called me from a bus, lost in a city where he knew no one. I didn’t pick up the call. I was in office. I am really tired of telling people this reason but missing his call was the meanest thing I did being a friend. I called later that night and I was blinded by the sheer sadness it had with it.
He asked me for solutions. Honestly, I didn’t have any.
He asked me What should he do now. I Didn’t know.
There was this girl whom I met years ago. What I could make of her first interaction with me was, she is a bad girl. It is not that I judged her right away at the first time but it is my very instinct that categorizes people suddenly. I don’t have a control over it neither it ever stops me from grouping people into the good / bad category.
I cannot figure out anymore. Do we have the right to call someone bad? Even if we had, how will we define bad? Lately, I’ve noticed I had got everything wrong in this perspective. People whom I thought bad are so comforting & good to me now and whom I thought were good, now make me wanna stab them. So, it slowly becomes a puzzle. The notion of Bad.
The same girl recently asked me if she was a bitch. I didn’t know.
Rahul brought me a band that tracks my fitness level. I set a goal of walking 2000 steps per day. I told myself that I will walk so many steps no matter what. I did 3000 steps that day. I set 4000 as my new goal. I walked 8000 the next day. The app Congratulated me for burning so many grams of fat and calories.
I was happy. I hoped that one day the fat that has built a rubber wall around my belly would someday vanish. I showed the stats to my colleague. He said, “Way to go!”.
The same day, I ate a complete south Indian meal that had more than 25 items in it. The Worst thing is, I ate in front of my colleague.
He asked, “This meal is soo gonna help you burn calories, right?”. Oh, the irony.
It was plumb. I was out of my mind. I don’t know was written all over my face.
My Little brother was doing his science homework. He came to me with a doubt and a curious face asking “can men get pregnant?”. I was more than a little surprised. What has got him thinking like that? “What exactly do you wanna know?” I asked.
“My Science teacher asked us this question after the class and told us to find the answer by tomorrow,” He said.
I asked him to talk with his friends, come back to me and tell what she actually had asked. He came 10 minutes later.
“A male can get pregnant and deliver babies in certain species. She wants to know which animal is that”. He said.
I don’t – Wait, I knew the answer for this one, though.
“Tell your teacher that it is a seahorse,” I said. I wanted to explain him about how it works but he is a boy. I knew, he’ll come to know eventually. Maybe he already knew, I don’t know.
I’ve always struggled with I don’t know. Like the time when the gravitational waves stretched and squeezed me, I didn’t know what they were. Like the time I wrote 10 pages of crap for a girl, and the universe asked me why I was doing that anyway?.
There are too many things to know. Maybe there is nothing to be known at all. All the explanations can be a woven story we just listen to without questioning. Digging the Why’s,What’s and How’s can twist your neurons like an earphone cable. You can read books as many as you want but they don’t have the answer for everything.
Maybe life is not about knowing the answers. Maybe life is about finding the answers. When questions hit you in the nuts, you might have to just say ‘owie’ and lie down. Then get up and find what it meant.
My lost friend has a new job now. He is more than happy.
My little brother still sucks at biology.
I’ve hit the goal of 5000 steps, 7 days in a row.
I can talk about gravitational waves for hours if you’re kind enough to listen.
The 10-page crap is finally in the hands of the girl and she now wants me to write the Eulogy for her – The Fault In Our Stars Style!
So I’ll be clueless, but not ignorant. I’ll try to solve 1% of the puzzle if not the whole.
Thank you, lovely reader. Have a great day.