Monthly Archives: May 2016

A Late Journal

Dear Self,

There was a black goat at the grocery shop today. It looked scary. Something told me that it didn’t particularly like me. Before I could calculate the exact time when I should start to run, it had already begun chasing me.

So, What do I do when there is an angry goat is seconds away from doing this to me?

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I am thinking nothing is bad than this. I thought the same the last time I was hurt, confused and left to ponder but I am obliged now to say so. This is the worst summer. This is the lowest point in my life. I wish we had a measure for it so that the next time I’m low, there is a card that tells me “hey, it’s not bad as before, don’t overthink”.

My table, My bed, My cubicle, and all the other things I have an affair with are telling me that I am living a bizarre life.

I have lost people and creativity.

Yet, I still have to be in the race and run.

I support RCB and Arsenal and both have won nothing in last 9 years. I wish starks ruled the Seven Kingdoms but the entire house is now left with a blind girl, a cripple, a bastard, a stupid and a worthless Rickon.

I sit to write down but nothing comes to mind. I move away from the screen and all negative things fill up the empty spaces. I wish my blog was as full as my mind and my mind as empty as plain white paper.

Everyone I am close with are present geographically all over the places and I hardly get to meet them. Texts and phone talks are so cliches, I try to stay away from anything virtual. Sometimes I get tired of talking to myself or feeling lonely in a crowded place. I want to break out.

I am crawling to reach anywhere . Limping, falling on knees, sweating, yielding and then getting back at it again.

I am consistently failing to understand what life is all about. I come up with an understanding. I try to link it with every day’s events and then boom, it turns out that I had it all wrong. I have to decide whether I should look for answers or just leave the question blank.

My thoughts squander over pity things. A face looms over with eyes that aren’t bright, a chin faking an expression, lips trying to say things masking the truth.

I chose to laugh somehow. On the surface. The laugh sometimes becomes hysterical at times because when I expect least from people, they even fail to reach least of my expectations.

I do this.

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So, at this point, as I laugh again, I have to believe that all bad things have an end.

That it is okay to fail.

That the over-hyped “Everything will be alright” and “This too shall pass” are true.

I will press on. I will persevere. I will make time for friends, family, and blog. I will rise up and shine unless life has something else planned for me.

 

 

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