12 months of Sobriety!
I can’t imagine myself to be so nice about something dreadful as the year 2016. Saying Fuck you only sells short the nightmare which I am yet to wake up from. 2016 should already get over from me, to pave the way for a bleak 2017 because I honestly have had enough of it. 2016 doesn’t have any clue of what it did to me neither do I. Seriously, What the hell did I do in 2016? Took a momentary pause in time? Or completely fucked it up against all will.
Okay, here are my reasons.
To begin with, in the year 2016, I searched in google for the nearest counseling centers, I watched YouTube videos on how to overcome depression. Two things which I can’t remember doing in earlier years.
2016 was like the movie Sanam Teri Kasam. I thought it will have a better ending. But it didn’t.
2016 told me that “There are sorrow and pain in everyone’s life, but every now and then there’s a ray of light that melts the loneliness in your heart and brings comfort like hot soup and a soft bed” but later, it pinched my nipples and said “Just kidding, have this hot, stressed-out head and awful Latte”.
2016 served me with a salad. It was a mixture of confusion, disgust and a feeling of always being completely lost. It wasn’t hatred, fear or jealousy. I felt naive. I succumbed to the whole sadness in it. I drowned and reached further down. And there was rock bottom.
It was nothing like whatever I have felt till now. It was new. It made me wander in streets, not respond to people and worse, — I lost appetite. It surely made no sense to me — finding the root of it. Maybe I knew but just couldn’t accept it.
In 2016, I yelled at my friends over petty things.
I thought and thought till my head started to hurt.
I couldn’t find a way to say exactly how I was feeling and also couldn’t hold the drama from inside. It came out in tears, in a series of chained depressing thoughts and finally I crashed down on a table.
2016 was about meeting interesting people, building too much about them in the head, and then getting disappointed.
Fuck you 2016, for making me go behind people being completely nonchalant about my self-worth. Also, Fuck you for turning them into monsters and leaving me astray in a cosmos of melancholy.
Fuck you for making me feel like a plastic bag, a worthless piece of shit, a potato, a loser, a Gunther, a nomad, a lone wanderer and a frog.
Fuck you for creating a huge crater and dumping me inside, while always pretending you had no part in it.
Err! Haters can say that it was not the year 2016 but my actions which led to all this but No, That is not the case. Look, I am just not showing the finger to 2016, instead, I will go up to god and gesture this against 2016.
I honestly want the events to be reversed and analyzed again. Check if I really deserved all of it. I cannot just walk away witnessing everything go worse. But we don’t have reviews in life. Neither can we stand against umpire’s decision. In this case, the Almighty.
But, I’m no walker.
Fuck you 2016, for being an agonizing heap of anxiety, a disgusting grotesque period in time, and for nurturing phoniness throughout.
Fuck your inclination towards ripping off every piece of motivation that pushed me to fight. Fuck you, for promoting loathe.
Fuck your shameless disposition to laud the fake and stomp on propriety.
Seriously, Fuck you 2016.