Category Archives: Personal

Forever and Over.

On a bright Sunday, he found himself playing in a green field. A very unrecognizable place but people around him were his friends. As time passed, he saw dark clouds appear and the day started to become gloomy. He started running as it started to drizzle. For some reason, he wanted to scream. But suddenly he felt a big lump in his throat and his mouth was filled with ice.

Weird. He put his fingers inside his mouth and tried emptying his mouth. But the more he dug, the more difficult to get it out. He was suffocating. He was feeling helpless. It’s almost as if he had lost the ability to speak. He was paralyzed, unable to spell anything. He stopped running and began freaking out. The fear began to fill his lungs and he let out a big clueless shake of the head.

Then he was awake. It was all a dream. But Why such a dream out of nowhere?

He sat and pondered with everything he could imagine of. He analyzed the possible causes. Then he could see the clues. It was coming out of his hidden anger. The inner outrage he hasn’t been able to throw at anybody. Because he just kept swallowing all the pain.

He was badly affected by a recent trauma. After it was all over between them.

Such a huge void. Nothing filled in except sorrow and self-loathe. He tried to smile but there was no soul to it. Almost a dead smile. Like a drawing on his face. What happened? Everything was perfect. How did everything collapse even after his strong pull to keep the entropy low?

Is there an escape from this feeling? Am I obligated to feel like shit?

His thoughts roamed around the time he met her. The wind smelled of jasmine flowers, carrying the thoughts of the beginning of something. The road was a bed of roses and each step he took was a blessing. She sang the poems that gave birth to feelings undiscovered, hidden in him. They spoke of discrete things discreetly. Their stories always swayed in the cold feet of uncertainty. His hopes too. For he never knew he had this side. Each message was a firefly lighting his empty dark heart, and each touch sparked a pleasant explosion.

An Ocean that would never dry. The warmth of her care was from distant stars. Can something be better than this feeling he thought? His existence made sense. It was just right. The inner battles disappeared and everything seemed to be in order. The glories which his demons carried were finally ended. His imaginations only stretched further into future when he was with her. Forever was built around her. It’s not easy. They had worked on a prototype even. Our kids would wear glasses too they’d say.

On the rocks of late night fights, they had wept. In the garden brimming with eternal sunshine, they had laughed. And when she asked him how all of this is going to work, he was simply stupefied.

She was questioning the longevity and manner of how he and she would work. As if, there is a framework for all the pieces to fall in places that he should be aware of and convey it to her. Well, to be honest, they were yet to figure out what it was. To pave the way for future of them, they hadn’t fully lived the present. While she clung on to defining what was it between them, He silently lived a dream all along. And yet, like all dreams, this ended too.

Abruptly, like a protagonist meets with an accident and dies in the middle of the book. He had feared it all along. They both were eternal victims of Murphy’s Law and the bad did happen.

Now he sat with a journal that is getting old and making less sense with each day. He could never explain how painful it is and how badly he is hurt because it would not make sense to anybody. The measure of emotional pain does not have a scale. He tried to resort philosophy and spiritualism. He couldn’t completely drown himself in, in either of those. He clearly knew the path ahead will be bleak. It was bleak.

In these times of perplexity, there was very little room to find the answers. Nothing made sense. But no matter how hard he tried to be normal, it’d take a single passing of past to make every effort go in vain. With all that is left, he made a prayer.
That – “let both of us move on from here with grace. Let courage be his and merry be hers. Let there be no paths which may lead to us meeting again. Let there be no question raised on the meaning of short-term relationships. Let each other find (im) perfections that our relationship lacked. Let there be no effort made to fix what’s broken. Let there be a conclusion to all the sorrow caused by two flawed souls on a suicide mission. Let at least one of us be struck with amnesia and by all egotistic intentions, let it be me”.

He now just waits for his prayers to be answered.

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Of Pastas and Kisses.

They locked their hands, Unsure of the future, Looking into each other’s eyes, Making Promises.

I just sat there, Eating Pasta, Wondering when will my Cranberry shake arrive. 

They kissed in between when I was checking notification on my phone. Little Pecks. Gentle ones. Just the perfect amount that summarized the whole saga so far.

I just sat there figuring out how to use a fork and a knife to cut chicken. It is tougher than you think. I’ll be judged on my ability to use them when I hang out with FORMAL friends. I figured out but by that time, I had spilled enough on my pants that would attract suspicious looks. 

They were afraid of separation. The distance that keeps them thousands mile away and why she would not let him go back. Tears were lining up for their encore.

Man, were those pasta, really from Italy? Because they tasted like gut. Food is the only good thing happening and even that started to suck. Fuck Pasta. I’m gonna eat chicken. 

They noticed that I was very quiet. He turned to me and said, dude, don’t get into relationships. You’ll get stuck. She turned and said the same but with a different reason that I’ll miss the things which I could do now. They fought. They fought over the fact that their both reasons were different. I took his side and she became angry.

Boy Oh, Boy. How to use a fork and a knife was much easier. They get along. one cuts the chicken, other holds it. How to get back these two love birds to normal was tougher. I was sweating. When I’m nervous or panicking, I crack jokes. I cracked one. They didn’t laugh. 

She kept punching his arms and he pretended that he was hurt. Oh baby, did I hurt you?. They were back again.

My phone’s battery died and I needed a flying broomstick. 

Because, If I am gonna sit in that restaurant alone till they finish kissings, chit chats, I love you’s and I miss you’s, I needed a Thing. Like you know, a hook. 

Like that guy Alan from Two and Half men who makes fun of himself. 

So I figured out, I’ll be ‘crazy man with a flying broomstick’. Then I’ll buy six more broomsticks and say they are for my imaginary friends. Kids won’t walk past my place, they will run. ‘RUN AWAY FROM CRAZY BROOMSTICK MAN’ THEY’LL SHOUT.” 

We finished our food and left the place. He lifted her. He kissed her on the forehead and said goodbye, till he meets her the next time. I gave him bro hug and he left.

I missed him like I missed Clippy.

You remember Clippy?

This is Clippy.

 

clippy

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two weird things.

If Omens were right, I shouldn’t be telling you this story but I am going to take my chances. My blog is already is a mixture of all types of emotions and why not add the weird factor into it.

It is going to be cool if you’re an open minded person but a serious hurdle if you are not. On either case, go ahead. Life is short. Don’t be shy.

It is Saturday. For this day, you wait an entire week thinking I’m going to be relieved by all the stress. I’m going to spend it in such a posh manner that it is going to be on my DP. Too much build up for one single day that everything crashes down to everlasting boredom. The same thing happened to me.

Until I called my friend at 6 pm to ask how her day went.

Weird Conversation 1:

“Hey, Good evening. What’s up?” I asked.
“Nothing. I’m just staying in my room”. She Said.
“What did you do all day?”
“I had sex with an Ostrich”
“You had what with what?” I was as shocked as you are right now.
“It was a one-time thing. An Ostrich fucked me”

She must be definitely kidding. I was just blown away by how did that thought even came to her my mind. I think of wild things too and yes it has definitely landed me to some craziest porn sites but this imagination of her was way ahead and creative than mine.

“So how did you guys do it?” I was curious. My head was already boggled.

“It was on top of me. It did the moving. I was under the big Ostrich. It was tough in the beginning but it all worked out very well in the end.” She said as if it had actually happened.

“Cut the crap idiot. I’m gonna call you an Ostrich Fucker from now on” I said. I cut the call.

Weird Conversation 2:

My friend was having dinner and I had just finished my food. I was looking into a big mirror. My hair looked kinda messy.

“I should probably get a haircut tomorrow,” I said.

“Are you serious? If I had hair like yours I would never do that” He said.

“Hairs are the worst thing that has happened to men. Women have periods and we have hairs growing all over our face. I just hate them” I said.

“So you’d rather bleed? Is that how much you hate shaving or getting your hair cut?”. He asked.

“Eww. Stop it. The problem with my hair is that when I wash it cleanly and go to the office, people ask me, hey, did you wake and just came to office. But when I don’t wash it and when I don’t take the shower, the same people say you look good today!” I almost cried.

“Leave it. It looks good on you and there is another reason why hairs should not be removed”. He said.

People say all kinds of stuff but I heard next was the craziest shit. It made me remove the charger off my phone and leave the room for a while.

“What are you even telling?”. I wore a confused expression.

“Were you sleeping in biology classes? Anyway, I have read that Ancient blah blah blah tells that hairs are the key to good sex life. The more hairs you have, the more you are going to enjoy it. Trust me, it is proven.” He said it in a normal tone. He was not sensing the aura that surrounded me.

He went on.

“If you remove your hair from any part of you body, you are going to lose the most important thing – Sensitivity. That is the essential part of the fore play”.He stopped as I grabbed my jaws from the floor, closed the door behind and left the place.

Unspoken Things

So that’s what we are now?

Two Old Friends

Who text two times a day,

For wishing each other

Good mornings and Good nights!

 

Tell me,

That there’s something more,

Apart from these pale blue ticks

That what’s between us is real,

That what we had years ago,

Has thrived to be the same,

And will remain the same.

If it isn’t worth showing,

Then it isn’t worth caring.

 

Make me believe that,

Behind those Dark clouds

Is a bright sun.

Behind that dense smoke

Is a cold breeze.

Behind that Red mystic veil,

Is a face I had once seen.

 

Stop running down the riptide,

Turn back and show me the real Side,

The one which you don’t hide,

Because There is a reason

I had shied away from telling you

Why I Once Cried.

The Work-Life Compendium.

One month sailing the “IT” ship, I wonder how stupidly I was upbeat about working. I had left college thinking that at some point, I’ll be not be flipping the pages of a book anymore but instead, scrolling down a PDF. Even before I could contemplate whether I was ready to work or not, a Lenovo ThinkCentre desktop was facing towards me with an erotic message “Press CTRL+ALT+DEL to unlock this computer”. I landed my chin on my hands and thought is this what I will be doing for the rest of my life.

It all started when I entered the Dystopia. For a 9 floor building with more than thousand employees, I heard nothing except my own footsteps. People were busy with their work and those who weren’t, were waiting for lift to come down, reading newspapers or filling their water bottles. The names on their ID card didn’t reflect on their faces. The doors had “PUSH” or “PULL” instead of “WELCOME”. I was taken aback by the strange silence and the cold air as I picked a seat in the auditorium.

It was almost clear that everyone had spent thousands on buying formal wear. The sight of fake smiles and handshakes was highly loathsome for me, but I had no other choices than doing the same. For the next two days I had learned that the most conversations had the same lines repeated over time intervals with different people. Here are few I encounter.

“Hey, had breakfast? What did you have for Breakfast?” No, I’m a plant. I’ll wait till the sun is out. Photosynthesis karna hai.

“Coming for tea?”

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No, I’m waiting for tea to come to me.

“Hey, where you going for lunch?” Hospital.

“How was your day? What did you do?” Tap, Type, Talk.

And the “One mustn’t stop making other miserable” type of question – “What did you do in the weekend?”

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Laptop, Mobile, TV, Chicken, Pillow, Peace.

The last working day of the week was Friday and by now I had made few friends to whom I can High Five and with few I can make dirty jokes. This Friday was a very big day for all of us. The results of who will be assigned to which Factions was ready to be announced. Java (the brainy) and Database (the intellectuals) were among the preferred choices of all. Till now, the plot of my life in IT was just like the movie DIVERGENT. But unlike the movie, before I dropped my blood to Java which I had thought was the best suited faction for me , someone from the Abnegation (HR Dept), grabbed my hand and pushed me into Quality Assurance Department.

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Out of all the roads I could’ve trodden, I had stepped onto the one less traveled. I was not alone. There was another amiable stroller whose was sweating just as me. The Saturday and Sunday were full of remorse. I could not concentrate on anything. Sometimes you get fixated on something and you don’t even know why?

Fast Forward. >>

Life goes on. The alarm I set, wakes my roommates instead of me. 7:30am is when my day begins. I leave my PG at 8:30 and for the next one hour, I curse the Silk board traffic. I swipe in at 9:30. For studying CS like no other, MS office, word, excel, PowerPoint, Lync and Outlook, await me and give a complementary hug every day. BB1-8F-182 is my cubicle where I make love with my keyboard and mouse. My effulgence slowly dims down at every passing hour and I become forlorn at the end of the day. My phones will have few missed calls and some conversations saying “you’ve changed” or “you must busy these days”. I cannot explain them my situation without glorifying the word BUSY. When I come back, the only thing I want to do is sleep as soon as I can.

This is pretty much how life has become now.

Happy Mother’s Day!

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She is my mother, She is my father
The lady who brought me into this world,
I’m an open book to her,
A little sneeze, she knows that i’m sick,
A slight lower voice, she knows that i’m worried,
My well being is her only concern,
She is the one whom i truly love.

Thank you mom,
for wiping my tears,
for protecting me from the predators,
for lullabies, for head massages,
For believing in me,
and for never giving up on me.

Here’s to all mothers. Dear readers, Hug her and wish her or else Call her at least. For she is the most unselfish person there is.

Happy Mother’s day !!

Have a good day!

Hollowed.

You have seen them all for they all are the same!

They need you at their worst. There is always a reason and a person. A person who is a monster. A fight is necessary in this drama. Perhaps, a breakdown after everything is poured out.

You calm them down, wipe their tears. Listen closely to their long story that ends badly. What a turn of events!

At this exact moment, you don’t realize that you are the one who should simmer down and let them park their sorry asses somewhere else. But you feel sorry for them. What a bad time he/she is having. You see a connection.

You persist with your kind heart’s instincts. At first you see their pain, then you feel it. Now, you are sharing your wisdom concluding it with everything will be alright.

Time is a great healer. Before you get any far, their fight is over. Oh baby! It wasn’t you! It was my mistake. Let’s get back together.

Now they thank you for your support in all this sad patch, wave you good bye and disappear.

After all you did to them, you expect a call or even a message because you feel that’s not too much to ask for. Your inbox is still empty. A month has passed. All you ever got was daily good morning and good night messages.  Thank the old gods and the new gods, you were there in their broadcast lists!

It’s time that you realize you were just a dumpster. A stop by. A last option. You will not be missed either. Now you want to tear a pillow, break a phone, a time machine to go back, a blog to threap and a place to hide your face.