Of Pastas and Kisses.

They locked their hands, Unsure of the future, Looking into each other’s eyes, Making Promises.

I just sat there, Eating Pasta, Wondering when will my Cranberry shake arrive. 

They kissed in between when I was checking notification on my phone. Little Pecks. Gentle ones. Just the perfect amount that summarized the whole saga so far.

I just sat there figuring out how to use a fork and a knife to cut chicken. It is tougher than you think. I’ll be judged on my ability to use them when I hang out with FORMAL friends. I figured out but by that time, I had spilled enough on my pants that would attract suspicious looks. 

They were afraid of separation. The distance that keeps them thousands mile away and why she would not let him go back. Tears were lining up for their encore.

Man, were those pasta, really from Italy? Because they tasted like gut. Food is the only good thing happening and even that started to suck. Fuck Pasta. I’m gonna eat chicken. 

They noticed that I was very quiet. He turned to me and said, dude, don’t get into relationships. You’ll get stuck. She turned and said the same but with a different reason that I’ll miss the things which I could do now. They fought. They fought over the fact that their both reasons were different. I took his side and she became angry.

Boy Oh, Boy. How to use a fork and a knife was much easier. They get along. one cuts the chicken, other holds it. How to get back these two love birds to normal was tougher. I was sweating. When I’m nervous or panicking, I crack jokes. I cracked one. They didn’t laugh. 

She kept punching his arms and he pretended that he was hurt. Oh baby, did I hurt you?. They were back again.

My phone’s battery died and I needed a flying broomstick. 

Because, If I am gonna sit in that restaurant alone till they finish kissings, chit chats, I love you’s and I miss you’s, I needed a Thing. Like you know, a hook. 

Like that guy Alan from Two and Half men who makes fun of himself. 

So I figured out, I’ll be ‘crazy man with a flying broomstick’. Then I’ll buy six more broomsticks and say they are for my imaginary friends. Kids won’t walk past my place, they will run. ‘RUN AWAY FROM CRAZY BROOMSTICK MAN’ THEY’LL SHOUT.” 

We finished our food and left the place. He lifted her. He kissed her on the forehead and said goodbye, till he meets her the next time. I gave him bro hug and he left.

I missed him like I missed Clippy.

You remember Clippy?

This is Clippy.

 

clippy

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two weird things.

If Omens were right, I shouldn’t be telling you this story but I am going to take my chances. My blog is already is a mixture of all types of emotions and why not add the weird factor into it.

It is going to be cool if you’re an open minded person but a serious hurdle if you are not. On either case, go ahead. Life is short. Don’t be shy.

It is Saturday. For this day, you wait an entire week thinking I’m going to be relieved by all the stress. I’m going to spend it in such a posh manner that it is going to be on my DP. Too much build up for one single day that everything crashes down to everlasting boredom. The same thing happened to me.

Until I called my friend at 6 pm to ask how her day went.

Weird Conversation 1:

“Hey, Good evening. What’s up?” I asked.
“Nothing. I’m just staying in my room”. She Said.
“What did you do all day?”
“I had sex with an Ostrich”
“You had what with what?” I was as shocked as you are right now.
“It was a one-time thing. An Ostrich fucked me”

She must be definitely kidding. I was just blown away by how did that thought even came to her my mind. I think of wild things too and yes it has definitely landed me to some craziest porn sites but this imagination of her was way ahead and creative than mine.

“So how did you guys do it?” I was curious. My head was already boggled.

“It was on top of me. It did the moving. I was under the big Ostrich. It was tough in the beginning but it all worked out very well in the end.” She said as if it had actually happened.

“Cut the crap idiot. I’m gonna call you an Ostrich Fucker from now on” I said. I cut the call.

Weird Conversation 2:

My friend was having dinner and I had just finished my food. I was looking into a big mirror. My hair looked kinda messy.

“I should probably get a haircut tomorrow,” I said.

“Are you serious? If I had hair like yours I would never do that” He said.

“Hairs are the worst thing that has happened to men. Women have periods and we have hairs growing all over our face. I just hate them” I said.

“So you’d rather bleed? Is that how much you hate shaving or getting your hair cut?”. He asked.

“Eww. Stop it. The problem with my hair is that when I wash it cleanly and go to the office, people ask me, hey, did you wake and just came to office. But when I don’t wash it and when I don’t take the shower, the same people say you look good today!” I almost cried.

“Leave it. It looks good on you and there is another reason why hairs should not be removed”. He said.

People say all kinds of stuff but I heard next was the craziest shit. It made me remove the charger off my phone and leave the room for a while.

“What are you even telling?”. I wore a confused expression.

“Were you sleeping in biology classes? Anyway, I have read that Ancient blah blah blah tells that hairs are the key to good sex life. The more hairs you have, the more you are going to enjoy it. Trust me, it is proven.” He said it in a normal tone. He was not sensing the aura that surrounded me.

He went on.

“If you remove your hair from any part of you body, you are going to lose the most important thing – Sensitivity. That is the essential part of the fore play”.He stopped as I grabbed my jaws from the floor, closed the door behind and left the place.

Unspoken Things

So that’s what we are now?

Two Old Friends

Who text two times a day,

For wishing each other

Good mornings and Good nights!

 

Tell me,

That there’s something more,

Apart from these pale blue ticks

That what’s between us is real,

That what we had years ago,

Has thrived to be the same,

And will remain the same.

If it isn’t worth showing,

Then it isn’t worth caring.

 

Make me believe that,

Behind those Dark clouds

Is a bright sun.

Behind that dense smoke

Is a cold breeze.

Behind that Red mystic veil,

Is a face I had once seen.

 

Stop running down the riptide,

Turn back and show me the real Side,

The one which you don’t hide,

Because There is a reason

I had shied away from telling you

Why I Once Cried.

The Work-Life Compendium.

One month sailing the “IT” ship, I wonder how stupidly I was upbeat about working. I had left college thinking that at some point, I’ll be not be flipping the pages of a book anymore but instead, scrolling down a PDF. Even before I could contemplate whether I was ready to work or not, a Lenovo ThinkCentre desktop was facing towards me with an erotic message “Press CTRL+ALT+DEL to unlock this computer”. I landed my chin on my hands and thought is this what I will be doing for the rest of my life.

It all started when I entered the Dystopia. For a 9 floor building with more than thousand employees, I heard nothing except my own footsteps. People were busy with their work and those who weren’t, were waiting for lift to come down, reading newspapers or filling their water bottles. The names on their ID card didn’t reflect on their faces. The doors had “PUSH” or “PULL” instead of “WELCOME”. I was taken aback by the strange silence and the cold air as I picked a seat in the auditorium.

It was almost clear that everyone had spent thousands on buying formal wear. The sight of fake smiles and handshakes was highly loathsome for me, but I had no other choices than doing the same. For the next two days I had learned that the most conversations had the same lines repeated over time intervals with different people. Here are few I encounter.

“Hey, had breakfast? What did you have for Breakfast?” No, I’m a plant. I’ll wait till the sun is out. Photosynthesis karna hai.

“Coming for tea?”

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No, I’m waiting for tea to come to me.

“Hey, where you going for lunch?” Hospital.

“How was your day? What did you do?” Tap, Type, Talk.

And the “One mustn’t stop making other miserable” type of question – “What did you do in the weekend?”

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Laptop, Mobile, TV, Chicken, Pillow, Peace.

The last working day of the week was Friday and by now I had made few friends to whom I can High Five and with few I can make dirty jokes. This Friday was a very big day for all of us. The results of who will be assigned to which Factions was ready to be announced. Java (the brainy) and Database (the intellectuals) were among the preferred choices of all. Till now, the plot of my life in IT was just like the movie DIVERGENT. But unlike the movie, before I dropped my blood to Java which I had thought was the best suited faction for me , someone from the Abnegation (HR Dept), grabbed my hand and pushed me into Quality Assurance Department.

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Out of all the roads I could’ve trodden, I had stepped onto the one less traveled. I was not alone. There was another amiable stroller whose was sweating just as me. The Saturday and Sunday were full of remorse. I could not concentrate on anything. Sometimes you get fixated on something and you don’t even know why?

Fast Forward. >>

Life goes on. The alarm I set, wakes my roommates instead of me. 7:30am is when my day begins. I leave my PG at 8:30 and for the next one hour, I curse the Silk board traffic. I swipe in at 9:30. For studying CS like no other, MS office, word, excel, PowerPoint, Lync and Outlook, await me and give a complementary hug every day. BB1-8F-182 is my cubicle where I make love with my keyboard and mouse. My effulgence slowly dims down at every passing hour and I become forlorn at the end of the day. My phones will have few missed calls and some conversations saying “you’ve changed” or “you must busy these days”. I cannot explain them my situation without glorifying the word BUSY. When I come back, the only thing I want to do is sleep as soon as I can.

This is pretty much how life has become now.

Happy Mother’s Day!

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She is my mother, She is my father
The lady who brought me into this world,
I’m an open book to her,
A little sneeze, she knows that i’m sick,
A slight lower voice, she knows that i’m worried,
My well being is her only concern,
She is the one whom i truly love.

Thank you mom,
for wiping my tears,
for protecting me from the predators,
for lullabies, for head massages,
For believing in me,
and for never giving up on me.

Here’s to all mothers. Dear readers, Hug her and wish her or else Call her at least. For she is the most unselfish person there is.

Happy Mother’s day !!

Have a good day!

Hollowed.

You have seen them all for they all are the same!

They need you at their worst. There is always a reason and a person. A person who is a monster. A fight is necessary in this drama. Perhaps, a breakdown after everything is poured out.

You calm them down, wipe their tears. Listen closely to their long story that ends badly. What a turn of events!

At this exact moment, you don’t realize that you are the one who should simmer down and let them park their sorry asses somewhere else. But you feel sorry for them. What a bad time he/she is having. You see a connection.

You persist with your kind heart’s instincts. At first you see their pain, then you feel it. Now, you are sharing your wisdom concluding it with everything will be alright.

Time is a great healer. Before you get any far, their fight is over. Oh baby! It wasn’t you! It was my mistake. Let’s get back together.

Now they thank you for your support in all this sad patch, wave you good bye and disappear.

After all you did to them, you expect a call or even a message because you feel that’s not too much to ask for. Your inbox is still empty. A month has passed. All you ever got was daily good morning and good night messages.  Thank the old gods and the new gods, you were there in their broadcast lists!

It’s time that you realize you were just a dumpster. A stop by. A last option. You will not be missed either. Now you want to tear a pillow, break a phone, a time machine to go back, a blog to threap and a place to hide your face.

The one about telling the truth

I had just procrastinated my plan to prepare for the seminar on Monday and sat to waste another hour in Facebook. I was so wasted that I could never stop scrolling to refresh the news feed. I knew I could do this the whole day. I get constantly stuck in an idle zone where I do nothing productive. Until someone knocks my door or there is about to be food served, I don’t move.

Exactly at this futile hour, I got a call from my best friend.

Here’s bit about US. She is the girl I value the most. Even though we were in the same school for almost 5 years, I never realized we shared similar interests until one fine day. That’s the funny thing about destiny, it happens whether you planned it or not. We talked and talked and our phones went dead. The way how fast things were going, I started to sense it might lead to something I was not ready for. So when she asked where we were headed, I made it clear that “we’ll just be friends. Best friends”. I had broken that little twig that would have crept or who knows what more it would have done.

She seemed to be okay with it. I never noticed any change after that defining conversation. We continued to stay in touch though not as much as before. That doesn’t matter if your friend is understanding. We have had ups and downs. We have had fights on silly things. Though we share common interests, in person we are two different characters. This indifference has not affected our friendship.

She hates how much time I spend on internet and phone. She wants me to change. She wants me to come out of the prison I’ve locked myself in and explore what’s outside: Be the guy I can’t be. Have I tried changing? No. in fact, I have become much more addicted. She gave up on changing me. But still, we are fine.

And today, just when I had finished talking to her, she asked me something that has left me perplexed. She asked “do you love me? Or had that feeling in any point since we’ve met

A yes to this question might will make trigger her we-could-one-day-be-a-couple part of her feeling. A No can even hurt her more. Nothing is easy to say. It’s not simple as it looks. I told her “I have classes now, I’ll call you in the evening”. I left the question
unanswered. I cut the call.

Did I do the right thing?

A Letter to the Gone girl

Dear Gone Girl,
At this point, I don’t even know how it all ended or what to say. You have gone too far. I look around and nothing reminds me of you. I now, completely believe the saying “you are only special to them until they find another”. I have stopped asking myself why it didn’t work out. I am better off without you. If you ever thought that staying quiet is the answer for all our little fights, may be it is true.

You and I are very different. A glue held us together but I always feared that this indifference would cost me in the future. When I started noticing that I was on the verge of the wreckage of yet another friendship, I tried too much to make everything work. I was hurt, yes, but wasn’t ready to give up on one of the best journey I had so far. But nothing really matters after the point when things start to fall apart. I could have fallen into a much deeper pit if I hadn’t realized I was being ignored. Even though reasons don’t solve any of the problems, you never cared to give any. Then things became obvious. It was over.

I have moved on from the brain waves which advised me to visit that dark place again. No regrets or remorse. You have partly taught me so many lessons and I am grateful for that but I strongly feel that your fake concerns over little deeds and deceiving portrays of amity will contuse another soul. Just remember, karma is a bitch. Now that I have freed the filth which is you, I am more contented than I ever was.

Once yours and will never be,
Chiruhr.

Bruises and Hopes

I, myself, took a moment to ask the blogger inside of me to ask a few questions. He has been quiet and weary. His thoughts are in disarray. In simplest of terms, he has failed in figuring out what to share and what not to. His wise friend suggested to go on with the flow and spill out every little thing that he hides in his secret closet. Show the skeleton and clean out. But for a guy turning 21, that is not an easy job to be done as said. The main factor being-he himself would laugh at what he just wrote when he reads the same thing 6 months later.

The other friend rather questioned me back. He asked why was I writing anyway. He told me to quit and stay aloof. That’s never an option for me. I’ve dreamt of writing my heart out and reaching as far as I can get.
Just like what I have been doing all these years, I took ass-saving advises from my closed ones and ignored both of them. For me, there is one big stupid epicenter and only that decides my actions. In the middle of this,
An idea topped over my head and here I am telling you about what a turn of events that have took place in the year 2014 where I was handcuffed and mouth stuffed from reaching out to the fountain of youth.

The Job.
I got a Job at a private company. Pay is average but hey, that isn’t scary as running to each college in Mysore, hoping to give a shot at every company and in the end, coming back with heads down. I can’t imagine how much animated I would have been If I was jobless. A happiest moment that was, brought me tears and I made my mom happy.

Before all this, there was a big masquerade, starting from scratch every time I fell, dressing up , sweating everything out, taking big breathe at the result announcement. I always cleared first two rounds and became too nervous in the rest. This continuous bait left me with lots of big preachers who would suddenly become the guide to success. Some thought I over said about myself, some said I was carrying a SHANI on my shoulder. Believe me, some even started spreading false bantering rumors. That hurt me. Being told about something that hasn’t happened. What’s wrong with those dogs? But I am grateful for those who stood beside me in my failures.

When my day came, it wasn’t some luck or anything. It was me and the atmosphere that was around. I had practiced most things to perfection. And after that, everything seemed to correct itself. There were no hurdles left, for I had just dropped down the biggest worry.
      
The Life
I wouldn’t ask for anything better. It’s not that I have everything but the way it is going with whatever I have, is just overwhelming. Every step that I am taking has been put a lot of thought. I am settled from inside. Though I still haven’t found the Rapunzel of my life, I am thoroughly enjoying being single by laughing at those who are stuck in a complicated relationship.

The Lessons
These aren’t things that I have read in books or someone told me while I was eating golgappa. These are like a notification that pops out when you are doing something trivial. I would like to call these as “things I have realized”.

I have realized that

There is a rock-bottom and when you reach it, the lowest point of your life, you will be glad that there will be no more crying coz you have crossed threshold of reasons that would have made you cry.

At certain moment, everyone around you, stops giving a fuck about you.

You can be so desperate that you laugh at the height of how pathetic you are.
You can say “fuck you, it’s over” to your best friend, stay distant for months and still get kissing smileys when you get back together.

You can be amused by the faith people have in you and but sadly, which you totally don’t.

You can dance with a girl with your hand on her hip, and still ignore her from the next day till the end of your life.

You can ignore the messages in the windows action center and your system will still be healthy

The Friends
It’s surprising how our friend circle changes from year to year. Only two or three remain the same and the rest disappear like piss in a sea. Some are distant and some are from my college. But distant friends are the closest even though I meet them in holidays. The college friends only need assignments and previous year question papers from me. I feel left alone sometimes but it’s always me who doesn’t text back. I would but I really don’t give a fuck if the reply is hmm or a K. If a single good morning wish in a day is too much to ask, I just don’t need you.

Future Plans
I want to grow as a writer and maybe someday give an autograph to my fans. I will eat more butter kulcha in the coming days without worrying if am going out of shape. I am kind a person who acts drunk and crazy but has never drank in his entire life. There is an alarm telling me to drink since people these days find drinking as a trend. Well, I will do that when whiskey tastes like chikoo juice. I will update my blog about every act of stupidity, ecstasy, insane narcissism, and about the finger I almost ate while biting my nail. 

The end
A big Thank you if you have reached the end without falling asleep on our table.