I, myself, took a moment to ask the blogger inside of me to ask a few questions. He has been quiet and weary. His thoughts are in disarray. In simplest of terms, he has failed in figuring out what to share and what not to. His wise friend suggested to go on with the flow and spill out every little thing that he hides in his secret closet. Show the skeleton and clean out. But for a guy turning 21, that is not an easy job to be done as said. The main factor being-he himself would laugh at what he just wrote when he reads the same thing 6 months later.
The other friend rather questioned me back. He asked why was I writing anyway. He told me to quit and stay aloof. That’s never an option for me. I’ve dreamt of writing my heart out and reaching as far as I can get.
Just like what I have been doing all these years, I took ass-saving advises from my closed ones and ignored both of them. For me, there is one big stupid epicenter and only that decides my actions. In the middle of this,
An idea topped over my head and here I am telling you about what a turn of events that have took place in the year 2014 where I was handcuffed and mouth stuffed from reaching out to the fountain of youth.
I got a Job at a private company. Pay is average but hey, that isn’t scary as running to each college in Mysore, hoping to give a shot at every company and in the end, coming back with heads down. I can’t imagine how much animated I would have been If I was jobless. A happiest moment that was, brought me tears and I made my mom happy.
Before all this, there was a big masquerade, starting from scratch every time I fell, dressing up , sweating everything out, taking big breathe at the result announcement. I always cleared first two rounds and became too nervous in the rest. This continuous bait left me with lots of big preachers who would suddenly become the guide to success. Some thought I over said about myself, some said I was carrying a SHANI on my shoulder. Believe me, some even started spreading false bantering rumors. That hurt me. Being told about something that hasn’t happened. What’s wrong with those dogs? But I am grateful for those who stood beside me in my failures.
When my day came, it wasn’t some luck or anything. It was me and the atmosphere that was around. I had practiced most things to perfection. And after that, everything seemed to correct itself. There were no hurdles left, for I had just dropped down the biggest worry.
I wouldn’t ask for anything better. It’s not that I have everything but the way it is going with whatever I have, is just overwhelming. Every step that I am taking has been put a lot of thought. I am settled from inside. Though I still haven’t found the Rapunzel of my life, I am thoroughly enjoying being single by laughing at those who are stuck in a complicated relationship.
These aren’t things that I have read in books or someone told me while I was eating golgappa. These are like a notification that pops out when you are doing something trivial. I would like to call these as “things I have realized”.
I have realized that
There is a rock-bottom and when you reach it, the lowest point of your life, you will be glad that there will be no more crying coz you have crossed threshold of reasons that would have made you cry.
At certain moment, everyone around you, stops giving a fuck about you.
You can be so desperate that you laugh at the height of how pathetic you are.
You can say “fuck you, it’s over” to your best friend, stay distant for months and still get kissing smileys when you get back together.
You can be amused by the faith people have in you and but sadly, which you totally don’t.
You can dance with a girl with your hand on her hip, and still ignore her from the next day till the end of your life.
You can ignore the messages in the windows action center and your system will still be healthy
It’s surprising how our friend circle changes from year to year. Only two or three remain the same and the rest disappear like piss in a sea. Some are distant and some are from my college. But distant friends are the closest even though I meet them in holidays. The college friends only need assignments and previous year question papers from me. I feel left alone sometimes but it’s always me who doesn’t text back. I would but I really don’t give a fuck if the reply is hmm or a K. If a single good morning wish in a day is too much to ask, I just don’t need you.
I want to grow as a writer and maybe someday give an autograph to my fans. I will eat more butter kulcha in the coming days without worrying if am going out of shape. I am kind a person who acts drunk and crazy but has never drank in his entire life. There is an alarm telling me to drink since people these days find drinking as a trend. Well, I will do that when whiskey tastes like chikoo juice. I will update my blog about every act of stupidity, ecstasy, insane narcissism, and about the finger I almost ate while biting my nail.
A big Thank you if you have reached the end without falling asleep on our table.