Hey Dear Reader,
It’s been long since I told you about my life. You kept asking me when I would speak up. I doubted myself whether I would ever write something. Because to write – you gotta feel something. I feel nothing. Now, if I have to gather up any creativity left in me to write about the hollowness or the small pit of thoughts I ponder about, this post could be it. It is a dead man’s punch, look for yourself whether he has anything up his sleeves.
Jeez. I talk like a person who has seen everything in life and tired by the ugly truth in it. I wish I could sound positive. But nobody does these days. All of my friends these days start the conversation with a note “it’s boring”. I put my effort in making it the most interesting conversation possible but it is either I get tired of doing it all the time or they don’t find it interesting anymore. Even Game of thrones is becoming boring for them.
I wake up every day with a zeal to conquer the world but by the end of the day, I am covered in self-doubt. At some point, I had even reached the “Compare-Despair”. I cannot ever earn that much money like him, I cannot get a girl like her. Such a putz I am. I must be in some kind of never-ending Comatose or a mare’s nest. For now, that is how it feels like. It is survival more than money making.
It took me a lot of time to digest the fact that it has been one year since I left the college. I miss those days when I used to spend an entire day solving word puzzles in Library, binge watching serials in the hostel and wait for all of my 15 friends just to go for dinner. It was like a festival. Every moment crowded with friends. But now, it is different. It is just empty and alone. All I can hear is my own voice. I just cannot be myself. I have to wear a fake attitude. A false bravado. I feel exposed. I feel naked and left to find my clothes. It is not a pretty sight.
There is a harsh truth in everything. You get disappointed when you become aware of it. It changes the way you look at things. It is like reading a book. It is the same lines which convey different meaning every time you read. They say life gets better. No, it gets clearer. Every passing day, the fog clears and you get to see people differently and the whole experience. I wasn’t prepared for any of this. There is the beauty in it. A lost boy finding paths in his journey.
But hey, I did find a reason to wake up in the morning and survive till night. I did find a friend who makes my day bright. In the end, that is how life works. You solve one problem, then the next. And another. One thing at a time and it compounds. Make tiny tweaks, they make the big changes. Just remember, what doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger.
Thanks for reading.