Forever and Over.

On a bright Sunday, he found himself playing in a green field. A very unrecognizable place but people around him were his friends. As time passed, he saw dark clouds appear and the day started to become gloomy. He started running as it started to drizzle. For some reason, he wanted to scream. But suddenly he felt a big lump in his throat and his mouth was filled with ice.

Weird. He put his fingers inside his mouth and tried emptying his mouth. But the more he dug, the more difficult to get it out. He was suffocating. He was feeling helpless. It’s almost as if he had lost the ability to speak. He was paralyzed, unable to spell anything. He stopped running and began freaking out. The fear began to fill his lungs and he let out a big clueless shake of the head.

Then he was awake. It was all a dream. But Why such a dream out of nowhere?

He sat and pondered with everything he could imagine of. He analyzed the possible causes. Then he could see the clues. It was coming out of his hidden anger. The inner outrage he hasn’t been able to throw at anybody. Because he just kept swallowing all the pain.

He was badly affected by a recent trauma. After it was all over between them.

Such a huge void. Nothing filled in except sorrow and self-loathe. He tried to smile but there was no soul to it. Almost a dead smile. Like a drawing on his face. What happened? Everything was perfect. How did everything collapse even after his strong pull to keep the entropy low?

Is there an escape from this feeling? Am I obligated to feel like shit?

His thoughts roamed around the time he met her. The wind smelled of jasmine flowers, carrying the thoughts of the beginning of something. The road was a bed of roses and each step he took was a blessing. She sang the poems that gave birth to feelings undiscovered, hidden in him. They spoke of discrete things discreetly. Their stories always swayed in the cold feet of uncertainty. His hopes too. For he never knew he had this side. Each message was a firefly lighting his empty dark heart, and each touch sparked a pleasant explosion.

An Ocean that would never dry. The warmth of her care was from distant stars. Can something be better than this feeling he thought? His existence made sense. It was just right. The inner battles disappeared and everything seemed to be in order. The glories which his demons carried were finally ended. His imaginations only stretched further into future when he was with her. Forever was built around her. It’s not easy. They had worked on a prototype even. Our kids would wear glasses too they’d say.

On the rocks of late night fights, they had wept. In the garden brimming with eternal sunshine, they had laughed. And when she asked him how all of this is going to work, he was simply stupefied.

She was questioning the longevity and manner of how he and she would work. As if, there is a framework for all the pieces to fall in places that he should be aware of and convey it to her. Well, to be honest, they were yet to figure out what it was. To pave the way for future of them, they hadn’t fully lived the present. While she clung on to defining what was it between them, He silently lived a dream all along. And yet, like all dreams, this ended too.

Abruptly, like a protagonist meets with an accident and dies in the middle of the book. He had feared it all along. They both were eternal victims of Murphy’s Law and the bad did happen.

Now he sat with a journal that is getting old and making less sense with each day. He could never explain how painful it is and how badly he is hurt because it would not make sense to anybody. The measure of emotional pain does not have a scale. He tried to resort philosophy and spiritualism. He couldn’t completely drown himself in, in either of those. He clearly knew the path ahead will be bleak. It was bleak.

In these times of perplexity, there was very little room to find the answers. Nothing made sense. But no matter how hard he tried to be normal, it’d take a single passing of past to make every effort go in vain. With all that is left, he made a prayer.
That – “let both of us move on from here with grace. Let courage be his and merry be hers. Let there be no paths which may lead to us meeting again. Let there be no question raised on the meaning of short-term relationships. Let each other find (im) perfections that our relationship lacked. Let there be no effort made to fix what’s broken. Let there be a conclusion to all the sorrow caused by two flawed souls on a suicide mission. Let at least one of us be struck with amnesia and by all egotistic intentions, let it be me”.

He now just waits for his prayers to be answered.

Fuck you 2016, You were horrible.

12 months of Sobriety!

I can’t imagine myself to be so nice about something dreadful as the year 2016. Saying Fuck you only sells short the nightmare which I am yet to wake up from. 2016 should already get over from me, to pave the way for a bleak 2017 because I honestly have had enough of it. 2016 doesn’t have any clue of what it did to me neither do I. Seriously, What the hell did I do in 2016? Took a momentary pause in time? Or completely fucked it up against all will.

Okay, here are my reasons.

To begin with, in the year 2016, I searched in google for the nearest counseling centers, I watched YouTube videos on how to overcome depression. Two things which I can’t remember doing in earlier years.

2016 was like the movie Sanam Teri Kasam. I thought it will have a better ending. But it didn’t.

2016 told me that “There are sorrow and pain in everyone’s life, but every now and then there’s a ray of light that melts the loneliness in your heart and brings comfort like hot soup and a soft bed” but later, it pinched my nipples and said “Just kidding, have this hot, stressed-out head and awful Latte”.

2016 served me with a salad. It was a mixture of confusion, disgust and a feeling of always being completely lost. It wasn’t hatred, fear or jealousy. I felt naive. I succumbed to the whole sadness in it. I drowned and reached further down. And there was rock bottom.

It was nothing like whatever I have felt till now. It was new. It made me wander in streets, not respond to people and worse, — I lost appetite. It surely made no sense to me — finding the root of it. Maybe I knew but just couldn’t accept it.

In 2016, I yelled at my friends over petty things.

I thought and thought till my head started to hurt.

I couldn’t find a way to say exactly how I was feeling and also couldn’t hold the drama from inside. It came out in tears, in a series of chained depressing thoughts and finally I crashed down on a table.

2016 was about meeting interesting people, building too much about them in the head, and then getting disappointed.

Fuck you 2016, for making me go behind people being completely nonchalant about my self-worth. Also, Fuck you for turning them into monsters and leaving me astray in a cosmos of melancholy.

Fuck you for making me feel like a plastic bag, a worthless piece of shit, a potato, a loser, a Gunther, a nomad, a lone wanderer and a frog.

Fuck you for creating a huge crater and dumping me inside, while always pretending you had no part in it.

Err! Haters can say that it was not the year 2016 but my actions which led to all this but No, That is not the case. Look, I am just not showing the finger to 2016, instead, I will go up to god and gesture this against 2016.

 

I honestly want the events to be reversed and analyzed again. Check if I really deserved all of it. I cannot just walk away witnessing everything go worse. But we don’t have reviews in life. Neither can we stand against umpire’s decision. In this case, the Almighty.

But, I’m no walker.

Fuck you 2016, for being an agonizing heap of anxiety, a disgusting grotesque period in time, and for nurturing phoniness throughout.

Fuck your inclination towards ripping off every piece of motivation that pushed me to fight. Fuck you, for promoting loathe.

Fuck your shameless disposition to laud the fake and stomp on propriety.

Seriously, Fuck you 2016.

Haste and Patience.

Hey Dear Reader,

It’s been long since I told you about my life. You kept asking me when I would speak up. I doubted myself whether I would ever write something. Because to write – you gotta feel something. I feel nothing. Now, if I have to gather up any creativity left in me to write about the hollowness or the small pit of thoughts I ponder about, this post could be it. It is a dead man’s punch, look for yourself whether he has anything up his sleeves.

Jeez. I talk like a person who has seen everything in life and tired by the ugly truth in it. I wish I could sound positive. But nobody does these days. All of my friends these days start the conversation with a note “it’s boring”. I put my effort in making it the most interesting conversation possible but it is either I get tired of doing it all the time or they don’t find it interesting anymore. Even Game of thrones is becoming boring for them.

I wake up every day with a zeal to conquer the world but by the end of the day, I am covered in self-doubt. At some point, I had even reached the “Compare-Despair”. I cannot ever earn that much money like him, I cannot get a girl like her. Such a putz I am. I must be in some kind of never-ending Comatose or a mare’s nest. For now, that is how it feels like. It is survival more than money making.

It took me a lot of time to digest the fact that it has been one year since I left the college. I miss those days when I used to spend an entire day solving word puzzles in Library, binge watching serials in the hostel and wait for all of my 15 friends just to go for dinner. It was like a festival. Every moment crowded with friends. But now, it is different. It is just empty and alone. All I can hear is my own voice. I just cannot be myself. I have to wear a fake attitude. A false bravado. I feel exposed. I feel naked and left to find my clothes. It is not a pretty sight.

There is a harsh truth in everything. You get disappointed when you become aware of it. It changes the way you look at things. It is like reading a book. It is the same lines which convey different meaning every time you read. They say life gets better. No, it gets clearer. Every passing day, the fog clears and you get to see people differently and the whole experience. I wasn’t prepared for any of this. There is the beauty in it. A lost boy finding paths in his journey.

But hey, I did find a reason to wake up in the morning and survive till night. I did find a friend who makes my day bright. In the end, that is how life works. You solve one problem, then the next. And another. One thing at a time and it compounds. Make tiny tweaks, they make the big changes. Just remember, what doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger.

Thanks for reading.

With Love,

A Fighter.

A Late Journal

Dear Self,

There was a black goat at the grocery shop today. It looked scary. Something told me that it didn’t particularly like me. Before I could calculate the exact time when I should start to run, it had already begun chasing me.

So, What do I do when there is an angry goat is seconds away from doing this to me?

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I am thinking nothing is bad than this. I thought the same the last time I was hurt, confused and left to ponder but I am obliged now to say so. This is the worst summer. This is the lowest point in my life. I wish we had a measure for it so that the next time I’m low, there is a card that tells me “hey, it’s not bad as before, don’t overthink”.

My table, My bed, My cubicle, and all the other things I have an affair with are telling me that I am living a bizarre life.

I have lost people and creativity.

Yet, I still have to be in the race and run.

I support RCB and Arsenal and both have won nothing in last 9 years. I wish starks ruled the Seven Kingdoms but the entire house is now left with a blind girl, a cripple, a bastard, a stupid and a worthless Rickon.

I sit to write down but nothing comes to mind. I move away from the screen and all negative things fill up the empty spaces. I wish my blog was as full as my mind and my mind as empty as plain white paper.

Everyone I am close with are present geographically all over the places and I hardly get to meet them. Texts and phone talks are so cliches, I try to stay away from anything virtual. Sometimes I get tired of talking to myself or feeling lonely in a crowded place. I want to break out.

I am crawling to reach anywhere . Limping, falling on knees, sweating, yielding and then getting back at it again.

I am consistently failing to understand what life is all about. I come up with an understanding. I try to link it with every day’s events and then boom, it turns out that I had it all wrong. I have to decide whether I should look for answers or just leave the question blank.

My thoughts squander over pity things. A face looms over with eyes that aren’t bright, a chin faking an expression, lips trying to say things masking the truth.

I chose to laugh somehow. On the surface. The laugh sometimes becomes hysterical at times because when I expect least from people, they even fail to reach least of my expectations.

I do this.

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So, at this point, as I laugh again, I have to believe that all bad things have an end.

That it is okay to fail.

That the over-hyped “Everything will be alright” and “This too shall pass” are true.

I will press on. I will persevere. I will make time for friends, family, and blog. I will rise up and shine unless life has something else planned for me.

 

 

Not Telling a Lie is Innocence!

Not Telling a Lie is Innocence

Not knowing this is Ignorance.

Your honesty is their target

They’ll often forget

That your only choice is the truth

And you don’t play any games

or the drama and the plays

nor the deceitful gestures and the faked affections.

You say it quick,

or you don’t say at all

You always tell the truth

That’s an easy call.

Truth doesn’t creep, twist or squirm

It is just a matter of plumb whim

Innocence is not lost to sex,

but to all the lies you tell

to make up for what you did!

You can lie and cheat a person

but beware of your conscience.

But I’ve been cheated by lies, Yes,

Crushed, buried to a point

where I can no longer figure out

Why Truth and Lie are disparate! 

It did take time to crawl back,

get the dust off and give a shot

at writing this prose

with no rhymes but for a reason!

 

Of Pastas and Kisses.

They locked their hands, Unsure of the future, Looking into each other’s eyes, Making Promises.

I just sat there, Eating Pasta, Wondering when will my Cranberry shake arrive. 

They kissed in between when I was checking notification on my phone. Little Pecks. Gentle ones. Just the perfect amount that summarized the whole saga so far.

I just sat there figuring out how to use a fork and a knife to cut chicken. It is tougher than you think. I’ll be judged on my ability to use them when I hang out with FORMAL friends. I figured out but by that time, I had spilled enough on my pants that would attract suspicious looks. 

They were afraid of separation. The distance that keeps them thousands mile away and why she would not let him go back. Tears were lining up for their encore.

Man, were those pasta, really from Italy? Because they tasted like gut. Food is the only good thing happening and even that started to suck. Fuck Pasta. I’m gonna eat chicken. 

They noticed that I was very quiet. He turned to me and said, dude, don’t get into relationships. You’ll get stuck. She turned and said the same but with a different reason that I’ll miss the things which I could do now. They fought. They fought over the fact that their both reasons were different. I took his side and she became angry.

Boy Oh, Boy. How to use a fork and a knife was much easier. They get along. one cuts the chicken, other holds it. How to get back these two love birds to normal was tougher. I was sweating. When I’m nervous or panicking, I crack jokes. I cracked one. They didn’t laugh. 

She kept punching his arms and he pretended that he was hurt. Oh baby, did I hurt you?. They were back again.

My phone’s battery died and I needed a flying broomstick. 

Because, If I am gonna sit in that restaurant alone till they finish kissings, chit chats, I love you’s and I miss you’s, I needed a Thing. Like you know, a hook. 

Like that guy Alan from Two and Half men who makes fun of himself. 

So I figured out, I’ll be ‘crazy man with a flying broomstick’. Then I’ll buy six more broomsticks and say they are for my imaginary friends. Kids won’t walk past my place, they will run. ‘RUN AWAY FROM CRAZY BROOMSTICK MAN’ THEY’LL SHOUT.” 

We finished our food and left the place. He lifted her. He kissed her on the forehead and said goodbye, till he meets her the next time. I gave him bro hug and he left.

I missed him like I missed Clippy.

You remember Clippy?

This is Clippy.

 

clippy

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two weird things.

If Omens were right, I shouldn’t be telling you this story but I am going to take my chances. My blog is already is a mixture of all types of emotions and why not add the weird factor into it.

It is going to be cool if you’re an open minded person but a serious hurdle if you are not. On either case, go ahead. Life is short. Don’t be shy.

It is Saturday. For this day, you wait an entire week thinking I’m going to be relieved by all the stress. I’m going to spend it in such a posh manner that it is going to be on my DP. Too much build up for one single day that everything crashes down to everlasting boredom. The same thing happened to me.

Until I called my friend at 6 pm to ask how her day went.

Weird Conversation 1:

“Hey, Good evening. What’s up?” I asked.
“Nothing. I’m just staying in my room”. She Said.
“What did you do all day?”
“I had sex with an Ostrich”
“You had what with what?” I was as shocked as you are right now.
“It was a one-time thing. An Ostrich fucked me”

She must be definitely kidding. I was just blown away by how did that thought even came to her my mind. I think of wild things too and yes it has definitely landed me to some craziest porn sites but this imagination of her was way ahead and creative than mine.

“So how did you guys do it?” I was curious. My head was already boggled.

“It was on top of me. It did the moving. I was under the big Ostrich. It was tough in the beginning but it all worked out very well in the end.” She said as if it had actually happened.

“Cut the crap idiot. I’m gonna call you an Ostrich Fucker from now on” I said. I cut the call.

Weird Conversation 2:

My friend was having dinner and I had just finished my food. I was looking into a big mirror. My hair looked kinda messy.

“I should probably get a haircut tomorrow,” I said.

“Are you serious? If I had hair like yours I would never do that” He said.

“Hairs are the worst thing that has happened to men. Women have periods and we have hairs growing all over our face. I just hate them” I said.

“So you’d rather bleed? Is that how much you hate shaving or getting your hair cut?”. He asked.

“Eww. Stop it. The problem with my hair is that when I wash it cleanly and go to the office, people ask me, hey, did you wake and just came to office. But when I don’t wash it and when I don’t take the shower, the same people say you look good today!” I almost cried.

“Leave it. It looks good on you and there is another reason why hairs should not be removed”. He said.

People say all kinds of stuff but I heard next was the craziest shit. It made me remove the charger off my phone and leave the room for a while.

“What are you even telling?”. I wore a confused expression.

“Were you sleeping in biology classes? Anyway, I have read that Ancient blah blah blah tells that hairs are the key to good sex life. The more hairs you have, the more you are going to enjoy it. Trust me, it is proven.” He said it in a normal tone. He was not sensing the aura that surrounded me.

He went on.

“If you remove your hair from any part of you body, you are going to lose the most important thing – Sensitivity. That is the essential part of the fore play”.He stopped as I grabbed my jaws from the floor, closed the door behind and left the place.

The Versatile Blogger Award.

I don’t believe in coincidences. There, I said it. I always say boo whenever someone tells me things like “My crush is wearing Grey today. I am wearing Grey too. What a coincidence!!”. Nah! I don’t buy it.

While I acted as if a shooting star had just crashed on my laptop and I had something new to write about, she went on jumping and punching my arms. Elated.

I did the math.

Why did I study Probability? Hmm. To compute the probability of a tall hunk (out of 600+ male employees) wearing a color that is Grey (Lame and out of 10 million set of colors we can see) and also a nice young lady (out of 600+ female employees) wearing the same color.

Wait. This is rare. The probability is so small. I was shocked. Can I call this a “small coincidence”. (“Big Coincidence” being me and Neil DeGrasse Tyson tweeting the same thing.)

Then it hit me. She has his number. They might have talked about wearing the same color.

Coincidence = Hokum.

I was delighted and surprised to have been nominated for “The Versatile Blogger Award” by Reshma and Aishwariya . Coincidence?Thanks for reminding my blog out of hundreds you might have visited. This is a great start to 2016 and these are the little things that give me so much of joy.

Reshma is thoughtful, patient and she writes in a pace that can make you relate to every line she writes. Aishwariya, on the other hand, is a coder and a down to earth person who is passionate about writing. Please visit their blog and once you do, I know, you wouldn’t stop until you finish reading all their posts.

What is The Versatile Blogger Award?

The Versatile Blogger Award is given in recognition for the great commitment, diverse talents and generosity shown by bloggers here in our community. There is so much creativity on the show that it is difficult to reduce a list to only a few, but for those nominated it is hoped that it will serve to motivate them as well as celebrate their work till date.

The rules:

  • Nominate at least 15 blogs of your choice.
  • Link your nominees and let them know of your nomination.
  • Share seven different facts about yourself.

So here I go…

7 Facts About Me:

  1. I love to eat till I am 300% full, once in a month. I don’t ever miss doing this. It is strictly followed by a random physical exercise regretting why did I eat so much.
  2. I love Books and Blogs. I read whenever I am not talking to a person. Reading makes me feel how less I know and talking to some people make me feel how less they know.
  3. I make my own theories. I have my own explanation to why things happen the way they happen. They are logical too if you agree to my previous theories.
  4. I write down everything because I forget often. My to do list will have silliest things like “Buy a face wash” “Buy a shampoo”. Any normal Person would write only “Buy a face wash” and just that one thing would be enough to remind him of the other things like shampoo, toothpaste etc. But not me.
  5. I have a fear of heights. The reason I have not reached one.
  6. I sleep a lot. 12 hours on weekends. Out of which 1 hour goes in search of the sleep and wondering when will I sleep.
  7. I am not pompous. I try not to be.

Sigh.

I would like to pass this award on to these lovely bloggers who I have discovered recently. They truly deserve this.

  1. https://sanghamitrachakrabarty.wordpress.com/
  2. https://buddhuaamaadmi.wordpress.com/
  3. https://nimitode.wordpress.com/
  4. https://mamtadagar1896.wordpress.com/
  5. https://srishtiwalia.wordpress.com/
  6. https://vaayadipennu.wordpress.com/
  7. https://literatureismyporn.wordpress.com/
  8. http://thebikinibookworm.com/
  9. https://saharaina.wordpress.com/
  10. http://richardankers.com/
  11. https://hurtafew.wordpress.com/
  12. https://poemhobby.wordpress.com/
  13. https://rahulyn.wordpress.com/
  14. https://theamusedmind.wordpress.com/
  15. https://notionlux.wordpress.com/

 

1/1/2016

 

You know What? I’m So happy today!

You know Why? Because I could fuck up dd/mm format and you wouldn’t know it.

I’m working in my office today, Yeah, You heard me right.

Hari called me to wish today.

“Hey bro, Happy new year!!!!!!” He wished.

“Happy Birthday Dude!” I wished at the same time as he did.

“It’s not my birthday today”. He was confused.

“I’m sorry, I’m too stupid, Happy new year bro. It’s the third time I’m wishing someone Happy birthday instead of Happy new year. Anyway, Happy new year bro”. I said, disgusted.

“Man, I tell ya, We had a party, we danced, drank and I don’t remember the rest but It was Legendary bro!!” He said.

“Wow, That is soo cool”.

“What did you do bro” He asked me.

“I took a shower, I went to a temple and now I am in Office”. I said.

“Whaat, That is all you did? Don’t you bathe everyday? What unforgettable and special about that?”

“Hello, you drink every week. you dance when you are drunk. So Except if your friends were not from ISIS, I cannot consider your new year bash as Legendary”. I said.

“Dude, Come on, It’s 1/1/2016/. It’s gonna be in my memory forever because this day doesn’t repeat! Ever.” His Justification.

“Then the Shower I’ll take on 2/1/2016 is gonna be special too coz tomorrow doesn’t repeat! Ever”. I said just waiting for him to fall into a trap that I was setting.

“Listen. Today marks the start of a new year”. He was annoyed.

“What about the other 364 who are just as important as today and constitute 2016. You just celebrate one day say it’s special and interesting? What is gonna change in one day except the calendar? Don’t even get me started on the Interesting day paradox”

All days are interesting. The proof is by contradiction: if there exists a non-empty set of uninteresting days, there would be a oldest uninteresting day – but the oldest uninteresting day is itself interesting because it is the oldest uninteresting day, producing a contradiction.

“Woah! I didn’t understand a thing. It all went over my head but yeah, You may be correct. You’re still into maths, writing and stuff and I am into drinking, road trips and stuffs. Years change but this taste of Heineken doesn’t. Although, You know what I can suggest, try to be less Sarcastic in 2016 bro”.

“Ya Sure” I said.

“Now, Was that sarcastic?” He asked.

“No. It was not” I giggled.

“I don’t wanna get into “The sarcastic paradox”, So bye, Have a great year”

“You too”.

I hung up.

So Happy New Year Everyone!

Not Everyone, Just the ones who are reading this, My readers and fellow bloggers. Because it is You, who make me sit down in front of this myriad years old computer and type my heart out. Have a great year and make good memories in 2016 that you’re actually gonna remember on, I don’t know, DEC 2016.

 

 

 

 

Pouring it Out.

I strongly believe that I have not been too Candid in my blogs. I say things and then just put some imaginative stuffs to make them sound fancy. So here I am, in this simple and plain post telling you about my life.

I started college with a shite understanding of what college meant. I hardly knew the spelling. Collage or College? eh. when I joined,  I was told that if I took care of writing exams and scoring good, everything will eventually fall into pieces. I believed in the same idea and confined myself around the feeling less species called books. I never studied from xerox and I just loved purchasing books and reading every line like a nerd.

I enjoyed it because I was doing what I believed that would make a successful person. Ultimately everyone wants a successful ending and a perfect life. I somehow felt that I was doing just the right thing.

Then I met this guy who was incredibly intelligent in all the technology aspects. It just surprised me how different we were, being of the same age. I eventually became jealous of his immense knowledge and realized all the bookish concepts are bullshit if I didn’t know where exactly they were used.

We became friends. Then we became best buddies. We bought the same phone. When I held the phone and talked to him about it’s specifications, our discussion involved so many words that you don’t find in textbooks. He would learn something new and used to tell it instantly. These little things amazed me.

I wanted to learn more. When my friends were getting drunk and getting laid, I was surfing theverge.com and was having knowledge-gasm.

In the beginning, I used to stay away from hangouts and night outs. Later, I was left out. This didn’t sadden me, instead I dug too deep to find more.

A year later, I became desperate for a job. Getting a job meant success then. I got one and someone finally had found me useful. I had done it. So I left college thinking that all my struggles are over.

So 4 years of uphill struggle and from now on, it’ll all be smooth I thought. I’ve had enough of mugging, copying, writing exams and stalking my crush like a creep.

When I started working, here’s how my life went.

1st Week : Hell yea, I’m a professional. Look at all the smart people here.

2nd Week: Wait, This is something new. Something fun.

3rd Week: This isn’t what I studied or read. But I’m learning something cool.

4th week : Fuck knowledge, Fuck being desperate for money. I got my first salary, so Middle finger to growth and doing what you love.

5th Week : Oh no, This isn’t what I ordered.

6th Week : Is there a reverse button to my life somewhere. I just wanna go few months back.

2nd Month : What Am I doing?

3rd month : Why Am I still doing?

I broke down. It was all just too hard to accept. May be I had set bars too high for myself. I had over thought and dreamed of fantasies. Life was taking it’s toll. I just couldn’t breathe.

I was walking down the lane and just collapsed. I just sat and watched people go by, the vehicles and the city life. Rahul called me and asked why I wasn’t in the PG yet. I told him i’m on my way and continued staying in a state of reverie. I was stressed the whole time. I tried to be ubiquitous studying for other exams, joining a course and acting in a short film. I threw my hands at everything.

All this attempts lead me nowhere. While I was trying too much, thinking too much and planning too much, Life happened. I gave up everything because I couldn’t change it. I had lost it. I didn’t know what I was doing.

Some more days passed. I started writing a Journal. I read blogs and lots and lots of books. I even wrote more on my blog. I made friends. I went out and had good food. All these little things finally made me to settle mentally and not worry too much at this time.

I slowed down. I got adjusted to the pace of the universe.

I am still doing the same job but I don’t know if everything i did for last 4 years  4 moths make sense or not, but I am content. I am in love with present tense 🙂